


Mystery Gems

by ArguablySo



Category: Gravity Falls, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Mystery Gems, Mystery Gems AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 16:31:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2435486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArguablySo/pseuds/ArguablySo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Partial gem twins Dipper Diopside Pines and Mabel Dioptase Pines are sent to their gem of a great uncle, Stan, to avoid the corrupted monsters invading their hometown. Before they can go home, they must learn how to use their magic, but in the meantime, many mysteries begin to find the twins and pique their curiosity.<br/>This is a Gravity Falls series rewrite for an AU or UA, using the concept of Dipper and Mabel being partial gems, like Steven from Steven Universe. I will be writing episode edits of Gravity Falls and new episodes based on Steven Universe plots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tourist Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a series edit of Gravity Falls. It will be in story format and be increasingly different from Gravity Falls as a whole. Please do give your thoughts, as any critique is much appreciated and highly useful in bettering my skills in writing.  
> ~Arg

Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, recreation, and taking it easy.

Unless you live in a monster-infested town with a Gem for a dad.

My name is Dipper Diopside Pines. My twin sister is Mabel Dioptase Pines. Right now, we're in the process of fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror in a golf cart, Mabel’s probably about to puke, and you're probably wondering how that all happened.

Rest assured, there is a perfectly logical explanation.

Let’s rewind.

It all began when the monsters started invading our hometown. Our dad was one of the few people who could fight them, being a gem warrior and all. To get my sister and me out of danger, since we don't have any magic yet, our parents shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon to stay at our great uncle’s place in the woods.

**ooooo**

“This attic is amazing!” Mabel shouted to me as she was putting up another creepy boyband poster. She turned to show me her hands, covered in bits of wood. “Check out all my splinters!”

I walked into the room, and was about to set my bag down when I heard a loud bleat. I whipped my head around to see the animal where it shouldn't be.

“ _And_ there’s a goat on my bed.”

The goat immediately took ahold of my sister’s sweater sleeve as she approached, and started trying to eat it.

“Hey, friend!” she grinned at it. “Oh, yes, you _can_ keep chewing on my sweater.” She then giggled at the situation, as she often does.

My sister tended to look on the bright side of things. When she was rolling down hills, she only shouted, “Yay! Grass!” At the same time, I was trying to write in one of my personal journals as I was getting constantly annoyed by random animals deciding I was a tree or something. All in all, I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings. Especially since our great uncle, or “Grunkle,” was finding more and more ways to pop out of nowhere and startle me.

Our Grunkle Stan transformed his house into a tourist trap he called ‘The Mystery Shack.’ The real mystery is why anyone ever comes to the place.

And guess who had to work there.

Grunkle Stan is a stingy boss, having us constantly do chores in the shop, not even letting us touch the merchandise.

It looked like it was going to be the same boring routine all summer. That is, until one fateful day…

**ooooo**

“He’s looking at it!” Mabel said excitedly, hiding behind the Stan bobbleheads. “ _He’s looking at it!_ ”

A boy was reading a note Mabel wrote. “I rigged it,” she told me, bouncing and grinning.

I shook my head and sighed. “Mabel, I know you're going through your whole ‘boy crazy’ phase, but I think you're kind of overdoing it on the ‘crazy’ part.”

_“What?”_ Mabel asked, with a tone of disbelief, before she blew a raspberry. “Come on, Dipper. This is our first summer away from home! It’s my big chance to have an epic summer romance!”

“Ignoring the fact that we were pushed here because _our town is in danger,_ do you have to flirt with _every_ guy you meet? There was the guy at the park, the guy you pushed into the postcard stand, the guy you met at the mattress store…”

“Mock all you want, brother, but I've got a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door _right now_.”

Thank goodness Grunkle Stan walked in just then. I needed a good laugh.

“Alright, alright, look alive, people,” Grunkle Stan called. “I need someone to hang up these signs in the spooky part of the forest.” He held up the signs, looking first at us, and then at Wendy, who was at the cash register.

To be honest, I wasn't too keen on going out of the shack or getting too far from our Grunkle, considering that he was practically the only gem in a thirty mile radius. He had to know how to fight, right? We already knew that he used a couple of his abilities to trick his customers. I couldn't have said “Not it!” faster.

Unfortunately, neither could Mabel.

Soos, the repairman of the Mystery Shack, decided to pipe up then, lowering the tension in my mind a bit.

“Uh, also not it,” he said simply, while fixing the light bulb near the doors.

“Nobody asked you, Soos,” Stan reminded the large man.

“I know,” he replied, “and I'm comfortable with that.”

Stan shook his head and turned to the cashier. “Wendy, I need you to put up these signs.”

Not even looking up from her magazine, she opened her hand toward Stan and mocked trying to grab them. “I would,” she said, faking struggling noises, still reading her magazine. “But I can't reach it.”

“I'd fire you all if I could,” Stan grumbled. He then pointed at each of us one at a time, pointing first at Wendy, then Soos, then Mabel, then me.

“Eenie, meenie, miney, _you_.”

“Aw, what?” I grumbled. “Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in those woods, I feel like I'm being watched!”

Grunkle Stan facepalmed. “Ugh, not this again.”

“Not to mention how the monsters from back home could be here, too! I don't even have any magic! I don't even have a gem weapon!”

“Kid, every gem has magic and a weapon. Even if it’s terrible, like a shield. I'm sure you'll get your weapons eventually. Anyway, the monsters are being taken care of by my nephew back in California. The entire state is safe.”  
“Well,” I said, quickly trying to come up with a counter argument. “I’m telling you, something weird is going on in this town. Just today, my mosquito bites spelled out ‘beware!’”

I showed him my mosquito bites, and he squinted at them.

“That says ‘bewarb,’” he corrected. “Look, kid. the whole ‘monsters in the forest’ thing is just local legend, trumped up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that.”

He pointed at a large man, who was creepily giggling at a Stan bobblehead.

“So quit bein’ so paranoid! There aren't any monsters needing defeating and bubbling, or any of that.”

“Bubbling? Is that that thing that Dad does when he picks up the gemstones those monsters leave behind?”

Stan looked away. “....Maybe,” he said, before he turned back to me. “Go post those signs, kid.”

I sighed as he handed them to me.

**ooooo**

It was there, in the spooky part of the forest, where I found it.

I was hammering the signs onto the trees when the fourth one made an odd metallic ‘clang.’

Confused, I tapped gently on the trunk again with the hammer. More soft and metallic ‘clangs.’ There had to be something in the tree. It was obviously fake at this point.

Rubbing my hand against the trunk, I found a panel, and pulled it open. Inside was a small switchbox, and so I tried the first switch.

Nothing.

I tried the second, and heard a panel move behind me. Quickly, I turned to look, only to see a compartment in the ground opening up. I hurried over to it to peer inside. A book was in there, dusty and ratty. There was a hand on its cover, oddly six fingered, with a big number three on it. An eyeglass was hanging from one corner of the book. On its back was a sparkling, clear gem. I opened the book and started to read.

“‘It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon.’ What is all this?”

I found a page that said ‘TRUST NO ONE’ on it in large letters. To be honest, that wasn't very reassuring.

“‘Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. I must hide this book before he finds it. Remember: in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.’ No one you can trust…?”

“Hello!” Mabel yelped from behind me. I shouted in response. “What’cha readin? Some nerd thing?”

“Uh,” I said, panicking. “Uh, it’s nothing!”

“ _Uh, uh, it’s nothing_ ,” she repeated, mocking me. “What, are you _actually_ not gonna show me?”

I thought about that for a moment. “Uh, let’s go somewhere more private.”

**ooooo**

“It’s _amazing_ ,” I said excitedly, talking to Mabel in the living room. “Grunkle stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has a secret dark side!”

“Whoa!” Mabel yelped, then pushed me. “Shut _up_!”

“And get this,” I continued. “After a certain point, the pages just stop, like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared!”

Just then, the doorbell rang. Confused, I looked in the direction of the door. “Who’s that?” I asked.

“Well,” Mabel said, dangling her feet over the couch arm. “Time to spill the beans!” She then knocked over an empty can labeled ‘beans.’ “Boop! Heheh… _Beans_. This girl’s got a date! _Woo-woo_!” Then she fell onto the rest of the couch, onto her back.

“Let me get this straight… In the half an hour I was gone, you already found a boyfriend?”

“What can I say?” she grinned. “I guess I'm just,” her tone became low and far from serious as she waved her sweater sleeves around, “IR-RE-ZIS-TABLE!”

The doorbell rang again, twice.

“Coming!” Mabel shouted, then ran out of the room. I decided to use this time to finish reading through the journal.

Stan chose just then to walk in and surprise me, making me hurry to switch the journal out with whatever book I could grab first.

“What’cha readin’ there, Slick?” Grunkle Stan asked, sipping his soda.

“Oh, I was just catching up on uh…” I looked at the title of the magazine I was holding. “...Gold Chains for Old Men Magazine?”  
“That’s a good issue,” Grunkle stan assured me.

“Hey, family,” Mabel called from the doorway. Both Grunkle Stan and I turned to look at the gruesome figure standing next to my sister. “Say hello to my _new boyfriend_!”

“‘Sup?” the guy asked, turning to face us.

“...Hey?” I replied, a little hesitant.

“How’s it hangin’?” Stan joins in, more or less not caring.

“We met at the cemetery,” Mabel informed us. “He’s _really_ deep.” She then continued to feel the guy’s arm. “Oh! Little muscle there…” she said quietly, maybe even nervously. “Heh heh… wh-what a surprise.”

“So…” I began, a little skeptical of this guy. “What’s your name?”

“Uh,” the guy hurried to say, making my suspicion stronger. “Normal… _man_!”

“He means Norman,” Mabel corrected.

I noticed a dripping, red spot on ‘Norman’s’ face. “Are you _bleeding_ , Norman?” I asked him. I saw his eyes dart to the side.

“It’s jam,” he said quickly. I heard Mabel gasp.

“I _love_ jam! Look at _this_!” she grins excitedly, gesturing between Norman and herself.

“So you wanna go hold hands or… whatever?” Norman asked her. Well, at least she found someone who showed genuine interest this time.

“Oh,” Mabel grinned, starting to blush. “Oh my goodness. Heheh…. Don't wait up!” she called to Stan and me, waving goodbye as she and Norman left, Norman smacking into the wall first. I think I heard something shatter on their way out.

There was something about Norman that wasn't right. I decided to consult the journal.

I moved to the attic with the journal and started flipping through pages.  
“‘Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes,’” I began reading aloud, “‘these creatures are often mistaken for… teenagers!’” I knew this had to be it. “‘Beware Gravity Falls’ nefarious… Zombie!”

I looked out the window just then, only to see Norman limping slowly over to my sister.

“Oh no,” I yelped. “Mabel! No, no, watch out!”

“Daisies?” Mabel grinned at Norman, as he put a flower necklace around her neck. “You scallywag.”

“Is my sister really dating a zombie?” I asked myself. “....Or am I just going nuts?”

“It’s a dilemma, to be sure,” Soos said suddenly from behind me. I quickly whipped around to look at him. He was changing another light bulb. “I couldn't help but overhear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty room.”

“Soos,” I said quickly. “You've seen Mabel’s boyfriend. He’s gotta be a zombie, right?”

“Hmm. How many brains did you see the guy eat?”

“Zero,” I said, sighing in defeat.

“Look, dude,” Soos whispered, leaning over to get closer to me. “I believe you. I’m always noticing weird stuff in this town. Like the mailman? _Pretty_ sure he’s a werewolf. But you gotta have _evidence._ Otherwise, people are gonna think you're a major league cuckoo clock.”

“As always, Soos, you're right,” I grumbled under my breath.

“My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse.”

“SOOS!” Stan yelled from downstairs. “The portable toilets are clogged again!”

“I am needed elsewhere,” Soos said grimly, before walking backwards out of the room. I’m not sure if I'll ever get used to the guy.

Anyway, my sister could be in trouble. It was time to get some evidence. I followed Norman and my sister anywhere I could with a video camera. There was a lot of stuff that was kind of zombie-ish, but no hard evidence. Eventually, I'd seen enough.

**ooooo**

“Mabel, we've gotta talk about Norman,” I told her seriously as I walked into our room.

“Isn't he the _best?”_ she grinned. “Check out this giant _smooch-mark_ he gave me!”

She then turned to show me a swollen cheek on her face. I cringed and yelped. She laughed.

“Haha! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leaf blower. That was fun.”

“No, Mabel, _listen!_ I’m trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems!”

Mabel gasped somewhat theatrically and put a hand over her mouth. “You think he might be a _vampire?”_ she asked excitedly. “That would be so awesome.”

“Guess again, sister,” I said, before accidentally showing her the page in the journal about gnomes. “Oh, wait. Uh, I'm sorry.”

I quickly flipped to the page about the zombies and showed it to her.

“A zombie? That is not funny, Dipper,” Mabel said with annoyance.

“I’m not joking!” I tried to assure her. “It all adds up! The bleeding, the limp… He _never_ blinks! Have you noticed that?”

“Maybe he’s blinking when you’re blinking.”

“Mabel, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls? Trust no one!”

“Well, what about _me,_ huh?” Mabel asked, sounding offended. “Why can't you trust _me?”_

She then put on her star earrings, giving them little sound effects.

“Mabel, he’s gonna eat your brain!” I warned. I didn't expect her to suddenly get angry.

“Dipper, _you_ listen to _me,”_ she hissed, startling me, walking toward me menacingly, making me back up into the wall. “Norman and I are going on a date at five o'clock,” she started poking me hard in the chest on beat with her words, “and I’m gonna be _adorable_ and he’s gonna be _dreamy….”_

“Wait, b-b-b-but, but, but…!” I stammered, trying to regain composure.

“...And I'm not gonna let you ruin it with one of your _crazy conspiracies_!”

Ouch.

With that, Mabel stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her, leaving me both afraid for my sister and starting to feel the guilt come on. I sat down with a sigh. “What am I gonna do?” I asked myself sadly.

I watched from the window as I saw Mabel and Norman leave.

“Soos was right,” I mumbled. “I don't have any real evidence. I guess I can be kind of paranoid sometimes, and--” I stopped as I saw Norman’s hand fall off. I watched him discreetly put it back on. I yelped. “I was right! Oh my gosh!”

I started running downstairs and outside, where Grunkle Stan was trying to explain one of his novelty items or whatever to a large group of customers.

“Grunkle Stan!” I called. I kept calling. He continued to have a sort of argument with his audience. He’d be of no use. Thankfully, I saw Wendy drive over in the golf cart.

“Wendy! Wendy!” I yelled, running up to her. “I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my sister from a zombie!”

Wendy stared at me for a second before dropping the key in my hands. “Try not to hit any pedestrians,” she smiled, before walking away. Quickly, I got into the golf cart and started it up. Soos popped up behind me and handed me a bat.

“This is for the zombies,” he told me, “and in case you see a piñata.”

“Uh, thanks?” I answered, a bit confused. I then put the bat on the golf cart floor and started to drive as fast as I could toward where I had seen Mabel and Norman walk.

“Better safe than sorry!” Soos yelled after me.

“Don't worry, Mabel!” I yelled into the air. “I'll save you from that zombie!”

I heard her yell for help. “Hold on!” I shouted back, hoping desperately that she'd hear me.

I drove into a small, brightly colored area filled with tiny guys in conical hats and ridiculous beards. They were talking to Mabel, tying her down on the floor. “Let go of me!” I heard her shout angrily at them.

“What the heck is going on here?!” I shouted, as a little guy hissed at me before running away.

“Dipper!” Mabel yelled to me. “Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes, and they're total jerks!” A gnome started pulling her hair. “Ah! Hair! Hair! Hair!” she yelped in pain.

“Gnomes?” I said with confusion. “Huh. I was _way_ off.”

I pulled out the journal for some help, turning to the proper page. “‘Gnomes; little men of the Gravity Falls forest. Weaknesses unknown.’”

When I lowered the book, Mabel was fully tied down. “Hey, hey let go of my sister!” I shouted at the gnome that seemed to be leading.

“Oh, haha, hey there!” the gnome laughed, looking up at me nervously. “Um, you know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your sister’s not in danger! She’s just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity! Isn't that right, honey?”

“You guys are butt faces!” Mabel screeched at him, before the other gnomes covered her mouth. I pulled out my bat.

“Give her back right now,” I warned. “Or else.”

“You think you can stop us, boy? You have no idea what we're capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the--”

I didn’t care to hear any more. I whacked the gnome with the bat, just hard enough to push him out of the way and bounce a couple feet.

I pulled away the string holding Mabel down, and she broke free of the rest of the gnomes. She took my hand, and we ran back to the golf cart.

I heard the gnomes shouting at us from behind.

“Seatbelt!” I reminded Mabel, as she put it on. I then backed out of the bright cavelike part of the forest.

“Hurry, before they come after us!” Mabel yelled. I scoffed.

“I wouldn't worry about it. Did you see their little legs? Those suckers are tiny.”

My eyes widened as Mabel and I heard loud, huge footsteps from behind.

“Dang,” Mabel whispered, as both of us looked up at the giant gnome made up of all the tiny gnomes we'd just escaped from. I stepped hard on the gas.

  
“It’s getting closer!” Mabel shouts. I grit my teeth.

One of the gnomes grabs my face, blinding me. I try to smack him against the steering wheel, but it doesn’t work. Instead, Mabel says something and punches him off of my face, making my hat go flying off too.

“Thanks, Mabel,” I manage to say weakly, hearing my voice crack. Suddenly, I don't feel all that well. Am I motion sick or something? I feel nauseous. Like…. really nauseous.

“Don't mention it,” she says somewhat fearfully. She then glances back at my face. “Uh… you okay?”

“I feel sick,” I tell her honestly. I see her clench her teeth in the corner of my eye. The gnomes throw a tree in front of us, and I crash the cart into it. The two of us go flying, and I’m sure we’re going to die at this point, so I close my eyes…

...Until I realize we’re not falling anymore, and no pain came.

I open my eyes to find Mabel holding onto me, both of us dangling off the ground a few feet. I look up to see a glowing pink grappling hook with a shooting star design on it, and flakes of what seem to be crystals of dioptase.

“M-Mabel!” I whisper in awe. “Is that your gem weapon?”

“Grappling hook!” Mabel shouts. I smile. She lets us both drop to the ground, since we were at a safe falling height.

The gnomes inch closer as we look up at them fearfully. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

“Stay back, man!” I shout. “Where’s Grunkle Stan?”

“It’s the end of the line, kids!” the leader of the gnomes yells angrily. “Mabel, marry us before we do something _crazy!”_

“There’s gotta be a way out of this,” I plead quietly.

“I gotta do it.”

I look at Mabel with fear and surprise. “What? Mabel, don't do this! Are you crazy?”

“Trust me,” she says seriously, looking straight into my eyes. The sick feeling gets worse.

“What?”

“Dipper,” Mabel pleads. “Just this once! Trust me!” She then turns to the gnomes, looking straight up at the leader. “All right, Jeff. I'll marry you.”

“Hot dog!” the gnome grins. He makes his way through the huge number of gnomes to get down to the ground. He then puts a ring on Mabel’s finger. I admit that I eyed the crystals on the ring nervously.

“Bada-bing, bada-bam!” Jeff grins. “Now let’s get you back into the forest, honey!”

“You may now kiss the bride,” Mabel smiles, admiring the ring.

“Well, don’t mind if I do,” Jeff chuckles, turning to kiss Mabel, closing his eyes.

Mabel turns the leaf blower on.

“Whoa! W-What’s going on?!” the gnome shouts as he’s pulled into the leafblower. I grin.

“That’s for _lying_ to me,” Mabel screams, increasing the power. “That’s for _breaking_ my _heart!”_

“....And _this_ is for _messing with my brother_!” She then turns to me, smiling a bit. “Want to do the honors?”

She points the leafblower at the giant gnome made of gnomes. I smile a bit, catching on.

“On three,” I tell her.

“One, two, three!”

We flip the switch and Jeff goes flying, breaking the giant gnome formation.

“Anyone else want some?” Mabel asks, and the gnomes start scampering away.

**ooooo**

“Hey, Dipper,” Mabel says solemnly. “I, um… I'm sorry for ignoring your advice. You really were just looking out for me.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” I smiled at her, wrapping my arms around my stomach. “You saved our butts and got your gem weapon.”

Mabel looks down at her grappling hook, which is still in her hand. She sighs. “I guess I’m just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes.”

“Look on the bright side. Maybe the next one’ll be a vampire.”

“Yeah, right,” Mabel grins.

“Awkward sibling hug?” I offer, despite my nausea, opening my arms in invitation.

“Awkward sibling hug,” Mabel agrees, spreading her arms for the hug. We approach each other in synchronization, and hug for three seconds, before we both robotically chant, “pat, pat.”

**ooooo**

“Yeesh,” Grunkle Stan grumbles as both of us walk inside. “You two get hit by a bus or somethin’? Hah!”

We ignore him.

“Uh, hey! W-wouldn’t you know it, um, I accidentally overstocked some inventory. So, how’s about each of you take one item from the gift shop? On the house, you know?”

“Really?” Mabel grins.

“What’s the catch?” I ask.

“The catch is do it before I change my mind,” Stan grumbles. “Now take something.”

I grab a hat to replace the one that got knocked off in the gnome fight.

“I want the Cookie Cat fridge!” Mabel declares. Grunkle Stan rolls his eyes.

“Fine,” he says. “The things got discontinued anyway. I’m not allowed to sell them anymore.”

“Cookie Cats!” Mabel sings, grabbing the tiny freezer and rushing up to the attic with it.

“Mabel got her gem weapon today,” I tell Grunkle Stan. He looks up at me with curiosity. “It’s a grappling hook.”

“Did you get yours, then?”

I shake my head.

“You look a little green, kid. You okay?”

“I don’t know. I’m not feeling well,” I answer.

“Well, just don’t go ralphin’ in the gift shop,” he told me, then proceeded to count his money. I sighed and walked out of the shop to join Mabel in the attic. On my way there, I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I took off my new hat and pushed my bangs out of the way of my gem.

It had a tiny crack.

**ooooo**

This journal told me there was no one in Gravity Falls I could trust, but when you battle a hundred gnomes side-by-side with someone, you realize that they've probably always got your back. Our uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked?

I guess we’ll find out. I can only hope that I haven’t already messed everything up.


	2. The Gobblewonker

Mabel and Dipper were sitting around at the table during breakfast.

“Are you ready for the _ultimate challenge_?” Mabel grinned, flashing her braces at Dipper, holding up a bottle of maple syrup.

Dipper returned the grin, holding up another bottle of maple syrup of a different brand. “I’m always ready!” he shouted.

“Then you know what this means!” Mabel cheered.

Both of them thrust their individual bottles of syrup into the air. “Syrup race!” they shouted cheerfully in unison, before tilting the bottles in the air over their tongues.

Mabel shook the bottle slightly.

“Go, Sir Syrup!” she called.

“Go, Mountain Man! Go! Go!” Dipper shouted in reply.

“Almost…. almost…” Mabel hoped aloud. The drop of syrup reached her tongue first as she tapped the bottle. “Yes!” she cheered in victory before choking on the drop she had failed to properly swallow. “I won!”

Dipper smiled at her before resigning himself to his magazine. “Hoho…” he grinned suddenly, turning to his sister. “Hey, Mabel! Check this out.”

Mabel turned to look at the ad. In the magazine was a picture and pricing of a giant hamster ball made for humans. “Human-sized hamster balls?” She then gasped. “ _I’m_ human-sized!”

“No, no, Mabel… _This,”_ Dipper corrected, pointing to the ad on the other page, which read about a monster-hunting contest, showing a picture of a monster. “We see weirder stuff than that every day. We didn’t get any pictures of those gnomes, did we?”

“Nope!” Mabel chirped. “Just memories! And this beard hair.”

She pulled out a bit of white hair.

“Why did you save that?”

Mabel hummed and shrugged.

Just then, Grunkle Stan entered the kitchen. “Good morning, Knuckleheads,” he greeted. “You two know what day it is?” Stan asked the twins, using a more familial and friendly tone than usual.

“Um…” Dipper guessed. “Happy… anniversary?”

“Mazel tov!” Mabel shouted with excitement.

Stan bopped Dipper’s head with a rolled up newspaper. It didn’t hurt, though startled the boy a bit as it partially knocked his hat off. Dipper adjusted his hat to be on its usual spot again.

“It’s Family Fun Day, _genius!”_ Stan corrected. He walked over to the fridge to grab the milk and sniff it. “We’re cuttin’ off work and having one of those, you know, bonding type deals.”

“Grunkle Stan,” Dipper asked hesitantly, “is this gonna be anything like our _last_ Family Fun Day?”

Dipper shivered at the memory of the jail they’d been in. “The county jail was so _cold…”_ Mabel shuddered.

“Alright, maybe I haven’t been the summer caretaker. But, I swear, today we’re gonna have some _real_ family fun,” Stan promised with a grin. Dipper and Mabel exchanged concerned glances. “Now, who wants to put on some blindfolds and _get into my car_!?”

Both twins found themselves cheering, until Dipper’s excitement switched to confusion. “Wait,” Dipper said. “....What?”

Dipper and Mabel found themselves in the back of Stan’s car, the vehicle doing sudden jerks that made Dipper curl up nervously, hugging his legs.

“Blindfolds _never_ lead to anything good,” Dipper moaned quietly, uncurling for a moment.

“Wow,” Mabel marveled. “I feel like all my other senses are _heightened!_ I can _see_ with my _fingers!”_ With that, she started rubbing Dipper’s face, and he giggled, before the car jerked again, making Dipper curl up again.

“Grunkle Stan?” he ventured fearfully. “...Are _you_ wearing a blindfold?”

“Nah, but with these cataracts, I might as well be!”

Dipper only felt more terrified after that.

Once the twins were finally told to take off their blindfolds, they found themselves at the lake.

“Ta-da!” Grunkle Stan shouted, grinning. “It’s fishing season!”

“Fishing?” Mabel asked, confused.

“What’re you playing at, old man?” Dipper asked Stan, uncertain.

“You’re gonna love it! The whole town’s here!” Stan continued, beaming. “That’s some quality family bonding.”

“Grunkle Stan, why do you wanna bond with us all of a sudden?” Dipper asked, feeling the beginnings of another headache coming on. He winced quietly and held his head.  
“Come on,” Stan continued, not noticing Dipper’s somewhat sudden display of pain. “This is gonna be great! I’ve never had fishing buddies before… The guys from the lodge won’t go with me. They don’t ‘like’ or ‘trust’ me.”

“I think he actually wants to fish with us,” Mabel whispered to Dipper who whined under his breath. “Bro-bro, are you okay?”  
“J-just another headache, Mabel,” he answered in a high tone. “It’ll go away.”

“Those have been happening a lot lately,” she said with concern. Dipper shrugged.  
Stan raised an eyebrow. “Well,” he continued even still. “I know what’ll cheer you up. Pow!” He shoved a hat toward each twin, and they took the hats tentatively. “Pines family fishing hats! That’s hand stitching, you know. It’s just gonna be you, me, and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!”

“ _Ten hours_?!” Dipper yelped, before wincing in pain again and closing his eyes.

“I brought the _joke book_!” Stan grinned, holding a book of a thousand and one jokes. Dipper gritted his teeth.

“There _has_ to be a way out of this,” Mabel insisted.

 

“I seen it! _I seen it again!_ ” screeched an elderly voice. An old man began crashing into things wildly before stopping in the middle of the beach. “The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker! Come quick before it _scrapdoodles_ away!”

The old coot then began to dance.

“Aww,” Mabel smiled. “He’s doing a happy jig!”

“No!” the old coot shouts at her. “It’s a jig of _grave danger!_ ”

A man came from the fishing shack to shoo the man away. “What did I tell you about scarin’ my customers? This is your last warning, _Dad!”_ the man shouted, squirting the old man with a spray bottle.

“But I got proof this time, by guppity,” the elderly man went on. He pointed at a clearly snapped in half boat. “Behold! It’s the Gobbeldy-wonker what done did it! It had a long neck like a gee-raffe! And wrinkly skin like…” the old coot pointed at Stan. “Like this gentleman right here!”

Stan barely noticed the insult.

“It chewed my boat up to smitheroons, and shim-shammed over to Scuttlebutt Island! You gotta _believe_ me!”

“Attention all units,” laughed the deep, smooth voice of the shorter sheriff jokingly. “We got ourselves a crazy old man.” Everyone in the area then laughs in response.

The old coot began to walk away, muttering, “Aww, donkey-spittle…”

“Well, that happened,” Stan said with confusion. “Now let’s untie this boat and get out on that lake!”

“Mabel,” Dipper smiled to his sister, ignoring his headache as best he could. “Did you hear what that old dude said?”

“ _Aww, donkey-spittle_ ,” Mabel said, trying to do her best impression of the old coot’s voice.

“The other thing. About the monster. If we can take a photo of it, we can split the prize and prove to Stan that supernatural stuff is happening in this town! Besides, imagine what you could do with _five hundred dollars_.”

“ _Human-sized hamster ball…._ ” she whispered to herself idly. Dipper waved a hand in front of her face.  
“Mabel? _Mabel?”_

“Dipper, I am _one million percent_ on board with this,” she said suddenly. Dipper grinned.

“Grunkle Stan, change of plans. We’re finding the Gobblewonker!”

The twins then began chanting in unison, “Monster-hunt! Monster-hunt!”

Soos then joined them at the dock with his motorboat. “You dudes say somethin’ about a monster hunt?”

“Soos!” Mabel greeted him excitedly.

“Wassup, Hambone?” Soos grinned, and fist bumped Mabel, complete with explosion sound effects. “Dude, you can totally use my boat for your hunt. It’s got a steering wheel, chairs, normal boat stuff.”

“Alright, alright,” Stan interrupted. “Let’s think this through. You kids could go waste your time on some epic monster-finding adventure, or you could spend the day learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your great uncle Stan!”

The twins looked at each other and then at Soos, before glancing at Stan. They scampered onto Soos’s boat and drove off toward Scuttlebutt Island as Stan saddened.

**ooooo**

Dipper sat leaning against the small shelter atop the boat, nursing his headache, knowing it would have to go away soon, as they usually didn’t last too long. He wondered what he would’ve been otherwise doing had he not been so slowed down by the constant annoyance. Maybe playing as captain, as Mabel was doing.

“Do either of you have sunscreen?” Soos asked suddenly. Both twins glanced up at him.

**ooooo**

Thankfully, the headache had released Dipper from its annoying and painful grasp. Dipper paced on the boat in front of Soos and Mabel. “Alright!” he proclaimed. “If we want to win this contest, we have to do this right! Think; what’s the number one problem with monster hunts?”

“Youre a side character,” Soos answered, thinking about it, “you die within the first five minutes of the movie. Dude… am _I_ a side character? Do you ever think about stuff like that?”

“No, no, no, _camera trouble_!” Dipper corrected with annoyance. “Say Bigfoot shows up. Soos, be Bigfoot?”

Soos turns to pose as if he were a creature caught in the middle of walking.

“There he is! Bigfoot!” Dipper pretended, trying to prove his point. “Uh, oh! No camera! Oh, wait, here’s one! Aw, no film! You see? You see what I’m doing here?”

“Dude’s got a point,” Soos nodded.

“That’s why I brought _seventeen_ disposable cameras! Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one under my hat. There’s no way we’re gonna miss this!” Dipper proclaimed, grinning at his own genius. “Okay everybody, let’s test our cameras out!”

**ooooo**

“Eleven. Eleven cameras,” Dipper sighed frustratedly, thinking his headache was going to come back. “We just tossed and broke six cameras in the first _five minutes_ of this monster hunt.”

“So, do we throw more cameras overboard or what?” Soos asked jokingly.

“No!” Dipper shouted. “No. Okay. Mabel, you’ll be lookout. Soos, you work the steering wheel, and I’ll be captain.”

“What about co-captain?” Mabel asked.

“There’s no such thing.”

“Uh.. whoops,” Mabel grinned, dropping another camera overboard.

“Okay! Fine! You can be co-captain!” Dipper yelped. “Just stop destroying cameras!”

**ooooo**

The group crashed the boat right into the island as Mabel was messing with a pelican’s beak. As they stepped out, Dipper felt a sick feeling creep over him. He fought back his nausea as he picked up the lantern.

“Dude,” Soos grinned, putting his arm over the word ‘scuttle’ on the island’s sign. “Check it out. Butt Island.”

“Soos, you rapscallion,” Mabel grinned. She then turned to Dipper, who was curling up in a ball, leaning against a tree, on the ground, sitting up. “Hey, why aren’t you laughing? Are you scared?”

“No,” Dipper said quietly, with annoyance. “I’m in pain.”

Mabel poked him in the nose, and he looked up at her tiredly.

“Do you want to go back?” she asked him semi-seriously. He shook his head.

“I didn’t think so!” Mabel grinned, and started poking him over and over, making sound effects by blowing raspberries.

Dipper started laughing. “Mabel, stop! Quit it!”

Suddenly, a growling in the distance made the trio look up in the direction of the sound.

“Dude, did you guys hear that?” Soos asked quietly.

“Was that anybody’s stomach?” Mabel asked.

“Nah, my stomach normally sounds like whale noises,” Soos replied. Dipper continued to stay in his curled ball on the ground. He hummed a no.

Inexplicably, the lantern beside Dipper shattered. “Our lantern!” he shouted, before curling up tighter in pain.

“Dude, I dunno man. Maybe uh… Maybe this isn’t worth it. Dipper’s not doin’ so hot, and we can’t really see,” Soos said quietly, looking around fearfully.

“No!” Dipper said, forcing himself to his feet. “I’m fine! We’re going to win that contest, and I’m not letting my ge--my headaches and stuff stop me!”

“What did you stop yourself from saying?” Mabel asked quietly, the remnant of a smile on her face left there in her confusion.

**ooooo**

The group trudged on as their eyes adjusted somewhat. A low growling began, which made Dipper look up.

“Guys, do you hear that?” he whispered.

The growling noise increased in volume as a flock of birds fly in the opposite direction of the sound.

“This is it!” Dipper proclaimed, grinning. “Everyone, get your cameras ready!”

Soos and Mabel readied their cameras.

“Go!”

The trio yelled and ran up to the shadowy figure ahead, and the closer they got, the more they realized that the figure ahead was a shipwreck turned into a beaver dam.

“But what was that noise?” Soos asked no one in particular.

A sudden crash made the twins jump, and Dipper was the first to look up, seeing a silvery-blue reptilian head leering down at him, a sparkling gemstone in the middle of its forehead glowing a deep crimson. The boy took a slow step back, feeling as if he were about to vomit.

Soos takes a picture of it as Dipper grins, doing the same. The monster then screeched and bit the camera in between Dipper’s hands, making him gulp, and the group turned to run, all screaming as the monster climbed out of the water to chase them.

“Get back to the boat!” Soos yelled, running back a bit to pick Dipper up and put him on his shoulders, as he’d been lagging behind. “Hurry!”

As soon as they got back to the boat, Soos put Dipper down and ran for the wheel, quickly steering the boat away as fast as he could. “Let’s get outta here, dudes!” he yelled.

Dipper began trying to get a photo as Mabel threw cameras at the monster, attempting to keep it at bay.

“What are you doing?!” Dipper shouted at Mabel.

The monster snapped at the boat, breaking pieces of it off. Dipper panicked, no longer caring about the photos, forgetting his sick feeling for a moment.

“Go, go, go, go, go!” he shouted at Soos, who steered out of the monster’s path. Dipper pulled the journal out and flipped through it as fast as he could. “In there!” he shouted, pointing to the waterfall. “Go into the falls! I think there might be a cave behind there!”

“Might be?!” Mabel shouted.

Soos steered straight into the waterfall as they all screamed. They were suddenly pushed from behind by the monster, which suddenly stopped trying to attack them. The group turned to look at the monster, now stuck in the mouth of the cave they were all now trapped in, and it was struggling, thrashing about in attempts to get free.

“It’s… stuck?” Dipper asked tentatively. Without an answer, he searched himself for a camera.

“Boop,” Mabel beeped, pulling his hat off, revealing his last camera.

Dipper laughed and excitedly took pictures of the monster.

“Did you get a good one?” Mabel asked.

“They’re all good ones!” DIpper yells excitedly. He turns, his smile fading, as a rock falls onto the monster and its head falls with a metallic clang. He looked at the gem on the monster’s forehead, and mentally questioned why the monster didn’t disappear in a puff of smoke.

Dipper cautiously approached the creature, and gave it a pat. It didn’t move. He knocked on the side of it, and it made a hollow sound.

“What are you doing?” Mabel called with concern.

Dipper began to climb up the side of the creature, which seemed oddly easy.

“Careful, dude!” Soos shouted.

“Guys, come check this out,” Dipper told them from the top of the monster. “The monster has a gem, but didn’t turn into a puff of smoke like it should have. Why didn’t it? Here’s our answer!”

Dipper opened a hatch as the others arrived. He glared down at the kook from before, who had been working the inside of a monster-like machine.

“Aw, banjo polish,” the old coot sighed.

_“You?!”_ Dipper growled, anger flaring in his mind. _“You_ made this?! Why?!”

“Well, I just wanted attention…” the elderly man admitted.

Mabel looked at Dipper with worry, but said nothing, unsure as to why he was suddenly fuming.

“I don’t understand,” Dipper said flatly, clenching his teeth.

“Well, first I just hootenannied up a biochemical brain wave generator usin’ that ol’ _rock_ there,” the coot grinned, pointing down at the gem on the robot’s forehead. “It’s also a power source. Then I learned to operate a stick-shift with my beard!”

“You used a _sentient being_ , trapped in the form of a ROCK as a _power source?_!” Dipper hissed, grabbing the man by the collar. “ _AS PART OF A MACHINE?!_ ”

“Why’d you do it?” Mabel asked the man.

“Well, when you get to be an old fella like me, nobody pays any attention to you anymore. My own son hasn't visited me in months! So I figured maybe I'd catch his fancy with a fifteen ton aquatic robot! In retrospect, it seems a bit contrived. You just don't know the length us old-timers go through for a little quality time with our family.”

Dipper let the old man go, most of his anger suddenly gone as he recalled Grunkle Stan left ignored at the dock, feeling a sudden rush of guilt.

The machine under the weight of the trio and old coot shook and gave out beneath them. The gem on the beast’s forehead clattered to the cave ground. Dipper slid down the monster’s neck and picked it up carefully. Mabel followed his example, sliding down the robot’s neck as well.

“Hold on to this for me,” Dipper said idly, as Mabel grinned and complied.

“Boop,” Mabel chirped, as a pink, clear orb surrounded the gem between Mabel’s hands. Dipper turned his head to look.

“You can bubble gems!” Soos shouted excitedly from the top of the monster. Dipper grimaced at her hands, and looked at his own, wishing he could do the same.

“Let’s get back,” Mabel sighed. “Dipper, he even made us hats.”

Dipper pulled the hand-stitched hat out of his vest and sighed along with Mabel.

**ooooo**

Mabel, Dipper, and Soos joined Stan on the dock.

“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper said happily. “Let’s be fishing buddies!”

“What… kids?” Stan smiled, looking up at them from his somber state. “I thought you two were off playing ‘Spin the Bottle’ with Soos!”

“Well, we spent all day trying to find a legendary dinosaur,” Dipper admitted.

“But we realized that the only dinosaur we wanna hang out with is right here,” Mabel finished, gesturing to Stan himself after putting the bubbled gem in the boat.

Their great uncle glanced at them, and smiled.

“You knuckleheads ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?”

“Five bucks says you can’t do it!”


	3. The Sword Fighting Twins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based off of the plot in "Steven the Sword Fighter," a Steven Universe episode. It is here partly to replace "Headhunters," as there was nothing in the episode I could much use or change, and thus likely would have been considered copyright infringement or something similar, as all it would be was the same episode, just in story format.  
> That said, please do enjoy this chapter, as it is entirely off script and written on my own! I do want to hear any critiques to improve my skills at characterization.  
> ~Arg

Since Dipper wasn’t feeling well that morning, the twins had decided fairly early that it was a day for lazing about. After their encounter with the seamonster robot, they weren’t all that inclined to go searching for another adventure just yet anyway.

“Bop!” Mabel chirped, as she stuck the bubbled gem on the attic ceiling, standing atop a precarious stack of a bedside table and two chairs.

“Mabel, are you sure that’s going to be a safe place to put that thing?” Dipper asked, an eyebrow raised. He was, for the most part, curled up again.

“Oh brother of little faith,” Mabel said, shaking her head. “It’ll stay there. It’s plenty sticky!”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Dipper, if the gem falls out of the bubble, I can make another bubble. No big deal.”

Dipper hummed uncertainly at her, and flinched as she fell to the floor, her piled chairs crashing onto the wood below. He grit his teeth in sympathy as he looked down at her.

“I’m okay!” she called. Dipper sighed in relief.

“You didn’t hurt your gem?” he asked her.

She checked it. “Nope!”

“It’s not cracked or anything?”  
“No, Bro-bro! My gem is fine! Why are you so worked up about it?” Mabel asked, showing Dipper the intact green gem on her right palm for proof, before getting up.

“No reason,” Dipper said nervously. “Um… hey! Why don’t we watch Lonely Blade?”

Mabel gasped excitedly. “The loneliest blade of all…”

**ooooo**

The twins hurried down the stairs to pop the movie into the TV. Soos was already down there, watching a rerun of Ducktective.

“Hey, Soos,” Dipper smiled at him. “Want to watch a movie with us?”

“Sure, dudes,” Soos replied cheerfully. “What movie?”

“Lonely Blade,” Mabel grinned, popping the movie in. It started almost immediately.

“Man, I wish I could learn sword fighting,” Dipper said suddenly, as the fight scene started. “It’s probably nothing like the fight scenes in this, though.”

“Probably,” Mabel agreed. “Imagine; _Boomerang Blade_!”

Dipper laughed.

Stan walked in then, sipping a soda. “What’cha watchin’?” he asked as he approached.

“Some fighting movie,” Soos answered. “It’s pretty good.”

“Fighting, huh?” Stan said, taking another sip of his soda. “Come to think of it, it might be good for you two to learn some fighting moves. Especially Mabel, since she has her weapon now and all.”

Mabel gasped, and turned to grin at him with excitement. Dipper only looked at him sadly.

“Grunkle Stan,” Dipper asked tentatively. “Do I get to learn some fighting moves too?”

Stan thought about that. “Probably,” he replied. “You at least need to learn how to escape, since you don’t even have any magic yet.”

Dipper looked away solemnly.

**ooooo**

“Okay, Mabel,” Grunkle Stan grinned. “Get ready!”

“I’m ready!” Mabel called. Stan gave a nod and his gem on his right shoulder began to glow. Stan split into two, and a second, almost robotic version of him developed. He handed it a sword.

“Fight level: beginner’s number one,” fighter-Stan said tonelessly. It posed, ready to attack.

“Let me show you how this works,” the real Stan told her. He pulled a large sword like thing out of the black gem on his back, shaped much like his tattoo surrounding his gem. Dipper and Mabel looked at the sword with awe. It was dark red, covered in small, black crystal formations that shone through in certain pieces of the blade, gold highlights coating the blade's edges.

Dipper stepped away from Mabel and back toward the trees of the forest. Mabel stayed close to Stan, still staring in awe. Fighter-Stan attacked Stan, who parried continuously.

“See?” he grinned at Mabel, who nodded furiously. “That’s all you need to do. Once you think you’re ready, you can hurt it to make the fighting harder.”  
“Okay!” Mabel grinned, and posed, trying to summon her grappling hook. She stood there for a few moments, her arm up, before her smile faltered, and she looked at her gem with worry. “Aw, what? Why isn’t it coming out?”

“You only summoned it once,” Dipper reminded her from the sidelines, sitting on the ground. “Maybe it was just a fluke.”

“Yeah, right!” Mabel huffed. “I had it! You saw it.”

“Well, how did you feel when you summoned it?” Stan asked her. She thought about that.

“Like I would have died otherwise?”

Stan sighed, lowering his sword. “That’s not specific enough.”

“It isn’t?”

“No, Mabel. You need to replicate exactly how you felt when you summoned your weapon the first time,” Stan answered.

Mabel closed her eyes and tried again. “Evil gnomes!” she shouted, but to no avail. She sighed dramatically and fell onto her back.

“Dipper, come here. I want you to dodge these attacks,” Stan told the boy.

Dipper grit his teeth. “I’m not so sure about that, Grunkle Stan…”

“Don’t be such a whiner. Get over here and take this like a man!”

Dipper gulped and got up. He cautiously approached fighter-Stan, already preparing to run away if need be. Fighter-Stan looked at the kid menacingly and immediately began thrusting its sword at him.

Dipper yelped and ducked as the sword was swiped over his head. It knocked his hat off, and Dipper immediately put a hand to his forehead instinctively, trying to protect his gem from further harm.

“Good job, kid!” Stan called, now further away from the fighter-Stan and the shack. “Keep goin’!”

Dipper scooted himself quickly to his left as the fighter-Stan swiped at the area he’d just been in. “Grunkle Stan!” he huffed as he dodged another attack. “Is that a _real sword_ you put in its hand?!”

“Of course it is!” Stan called back. “Don’t be such a pansy!”

Dipper grit his teeth in terror as the fighter-Stan narrowly missed Dipper’s head. “Grunkle Stan!”

“Keep at it, kid!” Stan called back, then laughed. Dipper made a vocal sound of panic, his voice cracking, as he dodged three more attacks.

“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper yelled again, more desperately this time, before the sword in fighter-Stan’s hand smacked harshly against Dipper’s stomach.

Stan got up and summoned his sword again.

“Alright, kid,” he said, stabbing fighter-Stan. “You deserve a break.”

Fighter-Stan stopped, and pulled its sword to its side. “Level one defeated,” it said robotically. “Continue?”

Dipper turned and threw up, panting.

“Whoa, hey, Dipper,” Grunkle Stan said with light concern. “What was that about?”

“He hasn’t been feeling well this morning,” Mabel answered. She walked up to him with worry. “Dip, you okay?”

“I didn’t need that,” he answered tiredly. “Ugh, everything hurts.”

“Go get some rest, kiddo,” Grunkle Stan told him, grabbing Dipper’s hat from where it had been knocked away and putting it back on the kid’s head. “You did pretty well dodging all those moves with an unsettled stomach.”

Dipper gave a tired smile, his arms wrapped around his abdomen. He trudged slowly into the shack, and sat down on the stairs to the attic for a moment, trying to will away the pain. Once he worked up the nerve a minute later, he stood and got a glass of water, then took it with him to the bathroom, where he brushed his teeth.

Looking in the mirror as he brushed, he stopped, and took off his hat, pushing his bangs out of the way. The crack was still there, and Dipper couldn’t tell if it was any better or worse than it had been not too long before.

“Should I tell Grunkle Stan?” he said aloud, once he rinsed the toothpaste out of his mouth. He thought about it, remembering Stan calling him a wimp. Dipper looked down. “No,” he concluded. “He’d just make fun of me, anyway. Can I even use magic like this?”

“Magic like what?” Mabel said suddenly as she opened the bathroom door, startling Dipper, who hurriedly put his hat back on.

“Nothing!” Dipper told her quickly. “I-I was thinking about all my headaches and that sort of thing, that’s all!”  
“Dipper,” Mabel said calmly, smiling but obviously concerned. “If something is wrong, you can tell me.”

Dipper only looked away. He took his glass of water and walked out of the room, leaving Mabel alone and worried.

**ooooo**

Mabel came into the attic much later to see Dipper asleep on his bed. She looked around cautiously and tiptoed over to his sleeping form. Her brother was clearly sweating, as even in the now-dark room, she could still see the shine of it across his face. She placed a hand gently on his forehead, checking for a fever. He was a bit warm for her liking. As she lifted her hand, her fingers brushed lightly against his gem, and her brow furrowed as she realized something was amiss with it.

Quietly, she brushed his bangs out of his face and away from his forehead, showing his birthmark, the big dipper, his dark blue gem surrounded by the birthmark flawlessly. Mabel pulled out a small flashlight, and turned it on over Dipper’s face, allowing her to see the crack in his gem. He startled awake and pushed her away, covering his forehead quickly with his hand.

“Ah! Mabel!” he shouted, panting. She gave him a curious and concerned expression.

“Dipper, is your gem _cracked?”_

“I’m fine, Mabel! Let me sleep!”

Mabel huffed. “You’re supposed to tell me about these things, Dipping-sauce! We’re a team, remember?”

Dipper didn’t answer.

“I don’t really know what a cracked gem will do, but I’m sure it’ll heal eventually. It’s nothing to be that worked up over!”

He stayed silent.

“Are you mad at me now?”

“Let me sleep!” Dipper hissed again. “I don’t feel good, okay?”

“Okay, okay! I just came in to see if you had a fever…” Mabel sighed. She walked out of the room. “Goodnight, Dipper.”

With that, she closed the door.

**ooooo**

“Alright, Grunkle Stan! Show me what you’ve got!” Mabel shouted excitedly as she pulled the sheet off of fighter-Stan. Stan readied his gem weapon, taking a stance.

“Challenger! Are you prepared for combat?” fighter-Stan asked Stan.

“Gimmie all you got!” Grunkle Stan shouted back at it.

Fighter-Stan rushed for the real Stan, its sword smacking harshly against Stan’s gem weapon. Stan parried it and managed to dodge several of its attacks. He attempted to slash at it, but it blocked.

This continued on as Soos and Mabel cheered for him.

Finally, Stan managed to stab it in the chest. “Challenger wins!” it called. Stan let out a puff of air.

“I still got the ol’ moves!” he declared as his sword disappeared. He clapped his hands together to brush them off. “Now, how’s about we all go and have something nice to eat at Lazy Susan’s or somethin’?”

“What about Dipper?” Mabel asked.

“What’s up with him, by the way?” Soos asked.

“Oh, Dipper has a fever and threw up earlier today when Stan’s copy thingie hit him in the stomach,” Mabel answered. “He’s still asleep, I think.”

“Nope,” Dipper said as he walked in, adjusting his vest. “I got up a little while ago. I’m feeling just fine.”

“You sure?” Mabel asked skeptically. “You had a fever and everything.”

“I’m pretty sure, Mabel,” Dipper grumbled back. Mabel bounced over to him and put her hand on his forehead.

“That’s weird,” she remarked aloud. “Your fever’s already gone?”

“I guess I just needed to sleep it off,” Dipper shrugged. Mabel and Soos glanced at each other uncertainly.

**ooooo**

“You sure you’re feeling better today, Dipper?” Mabel asked her brother, as he stood in front of fighter-Stan.

“I feel great!” Dipper called, grinning at the copy holding a sword. “And I’m gonna practice for fights!”

“Ready, knucklehead?” Stan asked, looking down at his great nephew.

Dipper gave a determined nod.

“Go.”

Immediately, fighter-Stan began slashing seemingly wildly at Dipper. He dodged every attack, quickly getting tired, the grin staying on his face in seeing that he was succeeding.

“Look for a pattern!” Stan called to his nephew as he backed away. Dipper didn’t reply.

The slashes came again and again. Dipper watched carefully, thinking it through. Forward, guard motion, upward slice, across, then each side, repeat.

Once Dipper had the pattern, dodging was a cinch.

“Dodging practice complete,” the robotic voice sounded, and shut down for a second, before starting back up. “Level two, go!”

Dipper barely managed to dodge the next attack as a wave of nausea suddenly hit him. “Oh no,” he whimpered. “Not now….”

A headache flared, making him grab at his head with a wince. The fighter-Stan was about to hit Dipper, when suddenly everything went quiet.

Dipper and Mabel both looked up in horror as the fighter-Stan chimed, “Level two failed.”

Stan had been impaled.

“Dipper, you okay?” Stan asked. Dipper stared, and silently gave a nod, unable to speak through his surprise. “Don’t worry, kids. I’ll be back soo--”

Stan disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Mabel and Dipper stood there, terrified, as a black, circular gem clattered to the floor.

**ooooo**

“Oh, don’t worry about that, dudes. Gems can regenerate as long as their gemstones are okay,” Soos told them, polishing Stan’s gem a bit before placing it on the couch. “Should take Stan a couple days before he finishes up in there. He’s not dead.”

Dipper looked down guiltily.

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Mabel assured him. “Besides, he’ll be okay! There’s nothing to worry about.”

“I know,” Dipper sighed. “If I hadn’t been so sure of myself…”

“You can’t blame yourself for being confident,” Mabel told him. “Yesterday, you were dodging pretty well for having an upset stomach, like Grunkle Stan had said! You just needed more time to get better, even if your fever was gone so fast last night.”

Dipper put a hand on his forehead.

“Do you still feel sick?” Mabel asked him. Dipper shook his head.

**ooooo**

The twins sat around boredly, rewatching Lonely Blade for the third time that day.

“Can we go on a monster hunt or something?” Mabel asked her brother.

“Not until we have Stan for backup,” Dipper insisted. “I’m not letting either of us get killed because we were bored.”

“We’ll probably just regenerate from our gems like Grunkle Stan’s doing.”

“We’re _half_ gem, Mabel. We don’t know how these things would affect us.”

Mabel huffed.

“Are you ready to fight?” fighter-Stan called from under its sheet for what felt like the thousandth time.

“No,” Dipper grumbled. “We’re not interested.”

The movie went on.

“Boomerang Blade!” called a character in the movie. Suddenly, a sword sliced through the TV.

“Aw, what?!” Dipper yelped. “Why’d you do that?”

“Challenger defeated,” fighter-Stan said robotically. “Try again?”

“Why is it that all you want to do is fight?!” Dipper shouted at it.

“Challenge accepted,” fighter-Stan said, as it readied its sword. “Level one!”

It began attacking Dipper, who dodged flawlessly. Mabel ran and grabbed one of her stuffed animals, and threw it at fighter-Stan.

“Level one complete. Level two, go.”

The twins gritted their teeth and split as fighter-Stan slashed at where they’d just been. The fighter-Stan’s moves sped up, and Dipper had a hard time dodging.

Just as it was about to hit Dipper, Mabel pulled out her grappling hook, and shot the fighter-Stan in the face.

Its head popped off, and Dipper took its sword and cut it, starting to dissipate the hologram as much as he could. Mabel’s grappling hook disappeared, and she surveyed the damage in the room.

The television had been split in half, shelves had been knocked over, the couch had a tear in it, a window had been broken, and Dipper had a cut on his leg. Not horrible amounts of damage, but enough to make one grimace.

The gem on the couch began to glow as both twins glanced at it with surprise. The glow formed a shape, becoming the silhouette of their great uncle. A flash of light blinded the two briefly before they saw Stan standing there, and both twins jumped up and hugged him.

“Wow, you two missed me _that_ much?” he laughed. “Pansies.”

Dipper and Mabel only smiled.


	4. The Hand that Rocks the Mabel

Dipper, Mabel, and Soos were watching one of their favorite shows, _Tiger Fist_ , when it went to commercial.

“Hey, look,” Soos points out. “It’s that commercial I was telling you guys about.”

“ _Are you completely miserable_?” asks the television narrator. “ _Then you need to meet Gideon_.”

“Gideon?” Dipper repeated as a question. He felt sick suddenly, and wasn’t quite sure why.

“What makes him so special?” Mabel asked.

“ _He’s a psychic_ ,” chimed the television narrator. Mabel tilted her head in curiosity. “ _So don’t waste your time with other so-called ‘Man of Mystery.’ Learn about tomorrow tonight at Gideon’s Tent of Telepathy_!”

“Wow!” Mabel marveled. “I’m getting all _curiousy_ inside!”

“Well, don’t get too curiousy,” Stan said as he walked in, sipping a soda. “Ever since that _monster_ Gideon rolled into town, I’ve had nothing but trouble.”

“Well, is he really psychic?” Mabel asked.

“I think we should go find out,” Dipper suggested with a grin.

_“Never!_ You’re forbidden from patronizing the competition. No one that lives under my roof is allowed under that _Gideon’s_ roof.”

“Do tents have roofs?” Dipper asked his sister quietly.

Mabel grinned. “I think we just found our loophole. Literally!” she called, as she held up a loop of thread. “Womp womp!”

**ooooo**

“Wow,” Dipper marvelled, as he looked around the tent. “This is like a bizarro version of the Mystery Shack. They even have their own Soos!”

Soos glares at the maintenance man across the tent.

“It’s starting, it’s starting!” Mabel whispered to her brother in excitement.

“Let’s see what this ‘monster’ looks like,” Dipper laughed.

As Gideon sang, Dipper became more and more certain that the boy was even more of a fraud than his great uncle. The headache raging through his skull wasn’t letting him enjoy the time spent, either, but he remained unconvinced that Gideon was the monster Stan had told the twins he’d been.

_“That’s_ Stan’s mortal enemy?” Dipper huffed in disbelief.

“But he’s so _wittle!”_ Mabel replied.

**ooooo**

“Man, that kid’s an even _bigger_ fraud than Stan. No wonder our uncle’s jealous,” Dipper laughed, as the three of them got up to leave.

“Oh, come on,” Mabel grinned. “His dance moves were adorable. And did you see his _hair?_ It was like…. _whoosh!”_

“You’re too easily impressed.”

**ooooo**

“Check it out, Dipper! I successfully bezzazzled my face!” Mabel called to her brother excitedly.

Dipper looked up at her from his curled up position with confusion and raised an eyebrow.

“Is… that supposed to make me feel better?” he asked her, before holding his head in pain.

“I’m unappreciated in my time,” Mabel sighed.

Just then, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!” Mabel called, making Dipper wince from the volume of her words, agitating his headache.

Mabel opened the door, but doesn’t see anyone until she looks down to find Gideon standing there gleefully.

“Howdy,” Gideon smiled.

Mabel gasped. “It’s wittle ol’ _you!”_

“Heh… yes, my song is quite catchy,” Gideon chuckled. “Now, I know we haven’t formally met, but after yesterday’s performance, I just couldn’t get your laugh out of my head.”

“You mean this one?” Mabel asked, before laughing haughtily.

“Oh, what a delight!” Gideon cheered. “Now, when I saw you in the audience, I said to myself, ‘Now, _there’s_ a kindred spirit! Someone who appreciates.... the _sparkly_ things in life.’”

“That’s totally me!” Mabel grinned.

“Who’s at the door?” Stan called from the other room.

“No one, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel called back.

“I appreciate you discretion. Now, Stan’s no fan o’mine. I don’t know how a _lemon so sour_ could be related to a _peach so sweet_!”

“Gideon,” Mabel laughed.

“What do you say we step away from here,” Gideon suggested, “and chat a bit more? Perhaps in my dressin’ room?”

“Oooh! Makeovers! Yahoo!”

**ooooo**

Gideon opens the double-doors to a room absolutely filled with clothes.

“See somethin’ you like?” he asks Mabel beside him as she stares in awe. “‘Cuz _I_ do.”

“Haha… what?”

**ooooo**

Dipper lay on the couch, reading on his back, as Mabel returned.

“Hey, _Dipper,”_ she greeted, wiggling her long, manicured fingernails over Dipper’s face. “What’s goin’ oooon?”

“Whoa, where have you been?” Dipper asked, sitting up quickly and regretting it almost immediately as he paused for a moment. “What’s going on with those fingernails? You look like a wolverine.”

“I know, right?” Mabel asked excitedly, before pretending to scratch something. “Raaah! I was hangin’ out with my new pal, Gideon!” She grinned. “He is one _dapper_ little man.”

“Mabel, I don’t trust anyone whose _hair_ is bigger than his _head.”_

“Oh, leave him alone!” Mabel shouted to Dipper. “You never want to do girly stuff with me; you and Soos get to do boy stuff all the time!”

“What are you talking about?” Dipper asked, before Soos walked in holding a pack of hot dogs.

“Hey, dude! You ready to blow up these hot dogs in the microwave one-by-one?”

“Am I!” Dipper yelped excitedly, getting up and hurrying over to the kitchen with soos, leaving Mabel behind.

**ooooo**

“Whoa, the view from your family’s factory is _nuts!”_ Mabel told Gideon excitedly, dangling her legs off of the warehouse roof. “Good thing we brought our….”

“ _Opera Glasses!_ ” both Gideon and Mabel chimed at once, and then laughed, waving their opera glasses at each other.

“Mabel,” Gideon began, smiling at her lovingly. “When I’m up here lookin’ down on all those li’l ol’ people, I feel like I’m king of _all_   I survey. I guess that makes yeh mah queen!”

“What?” Mabel said, a wave of nervousness washing over her as she picked up what Gideon was saying. “You are being so nice to me right now! Quit it!”

“I can’t quit it; I am speaking from the _heart.”_

“From the where now?” Mabel asked nervously.

“Mabel, I’ve never felt this close with anyone. So… so _close,”_ Gideon continued, reaching to stroke Mabel’s hair, which she denied twice.

“Look, Gideon. I um.. I like you a _lot,_ but…. let’s just be friends,” Mabel told him, trying to let him down as gently as possible.

“At least just give me a chance, Mabel,” Gideon pleaded. “Will you do me the honor of goin’ on a date with me?”

“A play date?”

“Mm-mm.”

“A shopping date?”

“Mm-mm! It’ll just be one li’l date! I swear on mah lucky bolo-tie!” Gideon swore.

“Ummm,” Mabel said hesitantly, feeling guilt for wanting to say no. “Okay then…. I… guess…”

“Mabel Pines, you’ve made me the happiest gem in the galaxy!” Gideon said excitedly.

“Wait…” Mabel said, realizing what Gideon had just said. “What?! Gem? Gideon, wait!”

But he’d already run off.

**ooooo**

“--and get this!” Mabel said, as she was playing a videogame with Dipper. “He said he was ‘the happiest gem in the galaxy!’ That’s not a _human_ saying, is it? Right?”

“I don’t think so, Mabel,” he answered. “So why’d you say yes if you didn’t want to do it?”

“It’s not a date-date… it’s just, you know, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I figured I’d throw him a bone…”

“Mabel, guys don’t work that way,” Dipper told her sternly. “He’s gonna fall in love with you!”

“Pff, yeah right,” Mabel said, not believing her own tone. “I’m not… _that_ lovable…”

She then hit Dipper’s character in the game. “Kaboom! Yes!”

“Okay,” Dipper grumbled. “We agree on something here.”

The doorbell rang, and Mabel got up to see who it was. Once she opened the door, a horse burst through it, with Gideon riding bareback.

“A night of enchantment awaits, m’lady!” Gideon smiled.

“Oh, boy,” Mabel said under her breath, gritting her braced teeth.

**ooooo**

“I can’t believe they let us bring a horse in here!” Mabel marvelled, looking around the fancy restaurant to which she and Gideon had gone.

“Well, people have a hard time sayin’ ‘no’ to me,” Gideon smiled to her.

“I’ve never seen so many forks! And water with bubbles in it? Wow!”

**ooooo**

“Hey, hey!” Stan yelled to the others in the shack. “What the jackal is Mabel doing in the paper next to that crazy pickpocket, Gideon?”

“Oh, yeah!” Wendy grinned. “It’s like a big deal. Everyone’s talking about Gideon and Mabel’s big date tonight.”

“What?!” Stan screeched. “That little shyster is dating my _great-niece?!”_

“I wonder what the new name will be for the power couple. _May-bideon? Giddy-able?”_ Wendy went on. _“Magid-beleon!”_

Dipper grumbled anxiously at all the noise, holding his head, facing downward, his face on the table.

“Yeah, well, it ends _tonight!”_ Stan announced. “I’m going down to that little skunk’s house! This is gonna stop _right now_!”

As the door slammed, Dipper winced again.

“You okay, dude?” Wendy asked him.

“Just a headache,” Dipper told her quietly. “It’ll go away…”

**ooooo**

Stan’s car skidded to a halt in front of the Gleeful abode. He knocked harshly on the door, hissing at the sign on its front that red, “Please pardon this garden.”

“I will pardon _nothing,”_ Stan grumbled to himself.

Gideon’s father opened the door. “Why, Stanford Pines! What a _delight!”_

“Out of the way, _Bud,”_ Stan told the man, pushing him and walking into the house. “I’m looking for Gideon.”

“Well, I haven’t seen the boy around,” Bud Gleeful admitted. “But since you’re here, you simply must come in for coffee! It’s imported! All the way from Colombia!”

“Wow. I went to jail there once!”

**ooooo**

“And then I said ‘Autograph your own headshot, lady!’”

Gideon laughed. Mabel faked a chuckle.

“Mabel, tonight’s date was a complete success. And _tomorrah’s_ date promises t’top this one in every way!” Gideon told her with a grin.

“Whoa, whoa,” Mabel replied stressfully. “You said just one date, and this was it.”

“What a _surprise,”_ Gideon smiled. “A red crested south american rainbow macaw!”

Suddenly, a huge bird flapped over and landed on Gideon’s extended arm. “Mabel!” it screeched. “Will. You. Accompany. Gideon. To. The ballroom dance. This. Thurbday.”

Gideon shook the bird violently. It was obviously taken aback in fear.

“Thursday!” it corrected, before coughing up a letter.

Verbalized tones of excitement from people watching started to get louder and more excited. People began to chatter about their hopes of Mabel saying yes.

“They’re expectin’ us. Please say you’ll go,” Gideon told her hopefully.

“Oh, Gideon… I’m sorry, but I’ll have to say….”

“ _If she doesn’t say yes, I’ll die_ ,” Mabel heard someone say.

The chatter increased in volume. Mabel felt herself begin to sweat nervously.

**ooooo**

_SLAM!_

Dipper winced and held his head from the loud sound agitating his headache, and a wave of nausea washed over him, making him shiver.

“Dipper!” Mabel called, as she hurried into the living room, where he’d been lying for the past hour or so. _“Dipper!!”_

“In here,” he said quietly, as she turned to look at him. She ran up to him and held him up in a sitting position and shook him.

“Dipper! What do I do?! He made me say yes to another date! How am I supposed to tell him no after _two_ dates?!”

“By saying ‘no’?” Dipper said weakly. “Mabel, stop! I feel sicker when you do that!”

She let go of his shoulders. “I’m sorry, Dipper! I just don’t know what to do! I’m in way over my head and I can’t get _out_ of this!”

“Just tell him ‘no!’”

“ _It isn’t that easy!_ He makes it _really hard_ to say no to him at all! I don’t know how he does it but I don’t want to break his heart! I just want to be _friends_ with him again. Just _friends!_ With _makeovers_ and _shopping_ like we used to!”

“Then tell him that?”

Mabel sighed before looking up at her brother.

“Hey… are you okay?” she asked, seeing her brother so pale and sweaty.

“Your shaking me didn’t help,” he answered with a huff, before lying back down.

**ooooo**

“You know… I thought dancing was gonna be the end of the evening, right?” Mabel said to Gideon, with whom she was riding in a boat.

“Don’t you want this evenin’ t’last, mah sweet?” Gideon asked her, taking her hands in his and rubbing her gem with his thumb. She quickly pulled her hands away.

“No!” Mabel shouted in horror, but quickly calmed herself. “I mean yes! I’m always happy to hang out with a friend, buddy, pal, chum… other word for friend… mate?”

“How about… _soulmate?”_ Gideon asked her, leaning in toward her. Fireworks above appeared, Mabel’s name written across the sky in sparkling red amidst a heart.

Mabel clenched her teeth. “Uh,” she said quickly, finding an excuse. “M-my brother’s sick, I can’t really stay here for long. I gotta take care of him, you know?”

“Ah, that’s right, you’re brother’s been sick lately,” Gideon sighed. “Well, I guess it can’t be helped. These things seemin’ly never have a cause and don’t know good timin’.”  
“Heh… nope,” Mabel said cheerfully. “I uh… need to get home. He was still feeling queasy when I left….”

“You came to be with me even though your brother was struck ill?” Gideon said with a smile. “Oh, you _do_ love me!”

“Gideon, I need to get home and help my brother.”

**ooooo**

Dipper was asleep in his bed when the sudden slamming of the attic door startled him awake. He quickly shut his eyes as the lights were turned on. “Mabel!” Dipper grumbled tiredly. “I was _finally_ sleeping!”

“...I mean, he’s so _nice,_ but… I can’t keep doing this,” she mumbled to herself, pacing back and forth in the room. “But I can’t break his heart… Ahhh! I have no way out!”

Dipper winced at her sudden yell. “What in the heck happened on that date?” he asked frustratedly.

“ _I don’t know!_ ” Mabel shouted at Dipper, who made a sound of pain in response. “I was in the friend zone, and then before I knew what was happening, he pulled me into the romance zone! It was like quicksand! _Chubby quicksand_!”

“Mabel, quit being so loud!” Dipper grumbled quietly, almost a whisper. “I have a headache!”

“Dipper, this is _serious!_ At this rate, I might have to marry Gideon!”  
Suddenly, Stan opened the door to the attic. “Great news, Mabel! You _have_ to marry Gideon!”

“ _What?!_ ” Mabel yelped in terror, as Dipper winced again and covered his ears.

“It’s all part of my long-term deal with Buddy Gleeful. There’s a lot of cash tied up in this thing.”

Mabel screamed and ran out of the room.

Stan looked at Dipper with confusion, but Dipper only glared back. The boy got up, despite his sick feeling, and hurried down the stairs to find his sister in the corner of the bathroom, hiding in her sweater and rocking back and forth on the ground.

“Oh, no… Mabel…” Dipper said quietly, doing his best to ignore his throbbing headache.

“Mabel’s not here,” he heard her mumble from inside her sweater. “She’s in sweater town.”

“Are you gonna come _out_ of sweater town?” Dipper asked hopefully. Mabel shook her head inside the sweater and curled up harder, giving a quiet whimper.

Dipper kneeled down to be in front of her. He swallowed back his surplus saliva and gave a sigh. “Alright,” he said. “Enough is enough. If _you_ can’t break up with Gideon, _I’ll_ do it _for_ you, sick or not!”

“You _will?”_ Mabel asked excitedly, popping her head out of her sweater. Dipper gave a determined nod. Mabel jumped out of her sweater and hugged Dipper tightly.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” she said loudly and excitedly, as Dipper struggled.

“M-Mabel! I’m gonna… gonna hurl!” he said quickly as she began to hug him tighter. Her eyes popped open and her grin disappeared as she quickly let him go.

Dipper gagged, but managed to keep himself from vomiting.

“Sorry,” Mabel frowned.

**ooooo**

Dipper adjusted his vest as he swallowed the saliva in his watering mouth. He didn’t feel much better that day, but as he’d told Mabel, enough was enough. He strode into the restaurant and approached Gideon’s table.

“Oh, Dipper Pines,” Gideon greeted. “How are you? You’re lookin’... a might pale.”

“Look, _Gideon,”_ Dipper said flatly. “I’m just going to be straightforward and get to the point so I can go back to the shack and sleep.”

Gideon gave Dipper an intrigued expression. He seemed to study the darker haired boy before him carefully before zeroing his sights on the boy’s forehead. Something seemed to click in his mind, but he said nothing.

“Mabel isn’t joining you tonight. She doesn’t want to see you anymore. She’s actually kind of weirded out by you, no offense.”

Dipper swallowed again.

“So what you’re sayin’ is… you’ve… come _between_ us.”

“You’re not gonna freak out or anything, right?” Dipper asked, backing up a bit.

“A’course not!” Gideon laughed. “These things happen! Bygones, you know?”

“So… yeah, okay. Cool,” Dipper began to say as he backed out of the restaurant. “But uh, hey… thumbs up. Huh?”

“Thumbs up, indeed, my friend,” Gideon whispered to himself, as the male Pines twin left.

“How’d it go?” Mabel asked Dipper as he let out a sigh once he left. “Was he mad? Did he try to read your mind with his _psychic powers_? Did he say something about gems?”

“Mabel, we don’t even know if he really is a gem. Besides, we already know his psychic powers are fake,” Dipper told her, and swallowed again.

**ooooo**

“Dipper Diopside Pines,” Gideon raged as things began to levitate around Gideon’s room. “You don’t know what you’ve done! You’ve just made the _biggest mistake of your life!_ ”

The levitated objects crashed into the floor and shattered to pieces.

Bud Gleeful walked in then. “ _Gideon Topaz Gleeful_ , clean up your room this _instant!”_

“ ** _I can buy and sell you, old man!_** ”

“Fair ‘nough,” Bud shrugged, and left the room.

A picture of Dipper and Mabel burned until only Mabel’s smiling face remained.

**ooooo**

“Hit me, dude!” Soos told Mabel, as he stuffed a pillow under his shirt.

Mabel ran toward him at full speed, slamming into his pillow-softened belly. Both of them laughed.

“Feels good,” Soos told her, as Dipper frowned from his seat in the corner of the room.

“I’m so glad everything’s back to normal,” she smiled at Soos, but then turned to Dipper. “Except him…”

“I’m _fine,”_ Dipper told her for about the hundredth time that day. The telephone began to ring, and Dipper sighed as he got up. “I’ll get it,” he told them.

He walked over to the phone and picked it up. “Hello? ….What? Really?!” Dipper began to grin. “Absolutely! Where?” He picked up a pen and wrote something on a scrap of paper. “I’ll be there! I’ll be there in a minute!”

Dipper grabbed his scrap of paper and started running out the door.

“Dipper, _wait!”_ Mabel called to him. “What’s going on?”

“Someone’s willing to listen to me about all the crazy stuff that happens in this town!” Dipper called back. “I gotta go!”

Before Mabel could say anything more, he left.

**ooooo**

Dipper pulled open the door to the seemingly abandoned warehouse with caution. “ _...Hello?_ ” he called, hearing his voice echo off the walls. He turned to leave, but the door shut tight in front of him.

“Hello, _friend…_ ” a voice called, as Gideon turned in his chair to reveal his presence.

“Ugh, Gideon,” Dipper grumbled.

“ _Dipper Diopside Pines!_ How long have you been livin’ in this town? A week? Two? You like it here? Enjoy the scenery?”

“What do you want from me, man?” Dipper asked, getting frustrated.

“Listen carefully, _boy!_ I know yer a failure of a gem. That you don't have any magic o'yer own. I'm sure you've relied on my darlin' Mabel's magic _plenty_ 'o times! Besides, this town has secrets you couldn’t even _begin_ to comprehend!” Gideon shouted, making Dipper wince.

“Is this about Mabel?” Dipper asked accusingly. “I told you, she’s not into you!”

" ** _Liar_**!" Gideon screeched, as his turquoise gem on his belly and his bolo tie began to glow in sync. Dipper's eyes widened. " _You_ turned her against me! She was my _peach dumplin'!"_

"C-calm down," Dipper told him, backing into the door.

"Readin' minds isn't _all_ I can do, _Dipper Diopside Pines_."

"B-b-but you're a _fake!"_

"Tell me, Dipper.... _is **this** fake?"_

Things all throughout the building soon took on the same glow as Gideon's tie, and began to float in the air. Dipper closed his eyes and held his head.

"And there's _nothin'_ you can do to protect yerself, _Diopside._ I see you lookin' so sick by the roadsides, holdin' yer head with those headaches a'yers, I should'a caught on earlier!"

Dipper looked up at Gideon in panic.

" _Yer gem is cracked!_ "

Dipper gulped. "H-how did you...?"

"It'd be obvious to any gem who'da _seen_ it, Diopside. Yer powers are _useless,_ and yer left _magicless!_ Gems don't fix 'emselves! Were you waitin' for that crack to heal on its own?" Gideon laughed, as Dipper stood there in terror. "It explains _everythin',_ doesn't it? Th'sick feelin's yeh get, the headaches, the pain goin' through your face and teeth, why Mabel has _her_ gem weapon and _her_ magic, while yer stuck here, without a _single ounce_ of magic to help you! Ah, but _I'll_ help you, _Diopside._ I'll put you _outta yer misery...._ "

Things began flying toward Dipper, who dodged them in a rush, and silently thanked Stan for the dodging practice he'd been given. In dodging another set of items, Dipper ran headfirst into the wall. He rubbed his forehead, hoping desperately that he hadn't agitated the crack in his gem.

"Grunkle Stan was right about you! You really _are_ a monster!" Dipper yelled, before grabbing his head and clenching his teeth.

" _Ah, ah, ah!_ I wouldn't yell if I were you. Wouldn't want that headache a'yers t' _get_ to yeh!"

Dipper eyed a bat next to him. He picked it up and ran for Gideon, who lazily began levitating him into the air. Dipper grit his teeth in panic.

"She's never gonna date you, man!" Dipper yelled at him, before grabbing his head again and curling up in midair.

" _That's a **lie!**_ " Gideon hissed, before levitating a pair of shears toward Dipper. "And I'm gonna make sure y'never lie t'me again, _friend...._ "

A pair of shears began rising into the air, getting close to Dipper’s neck.

“ _Gideon_!” Mabel shouted, as the door slammed open, revealing her presence. “We have to talk!”

"M-Mah Marshmella...!" Gideon said in surprise, as the shears fell from the air. Dipper sighed in relief before Gideon tightened his grip on his bolo tie, and Dipper could feel Gideon's fingers starting to constrict him.

"No! I am not your 'Marshmella'! What the heck are you doing to my brother?!"

Gideon gripped the bolo tie harder out of nervousness, constricting Dipper further. "M-Mabel!" he managed to choke out.

"Now, you're going to listen to me, _Gideon._ I want you to put my brother down, _now!"_ Mabel demanded harshly.

"Mabel, do you even know what your brother has _done?"_ Gideon hissed at her.

Dipper began to cough and choke, trying desperately to breathe inward.

Mabel looked at her brother's face turn a light red. "Wait! Gideon... _please_ let him go!"

"He's compromised himself and _ruined_ his chance at magic!"

Dipper squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth.

"What does that even mean?" Mabel asked.

"It means that your brother will _never_ have magic of his own," Gideon hissed, turning toward Dipper and looking him in the eye. "Do you _hear_ me, _Diopside?!_ Yer a _pathetic_ excuse for a gem. Nevermind, I don't consider you a gem at all! Yer _magicless, helpless,_ and _too weak_ as a human to do a _thing_ with all your _nausea_ and _headaches...."_

Dipper started opening and closing his mouth desperately, trying to gather air to breathe, while glaring at Gideon.

"I said… Let! Him! _Go_!" Mabel yelled, as she dashed towards the floating Gideon and snatched his bolo tie from his neck.

The glowing stopped, and Dipper fell straight to the ground with a crash. A sudden deep breath and coughing come from his throat as he struggled to get up.

Mabel ran over to her fallen brother fearfully. "Dipper! Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay!"

He gave a nod, still catching his breath. _"Thanks,"_ he managed to choke out.

After a few seconds of relief, Mabel's hands shook with fury as she turned toward Gideon. She strongly gripped the gem in her hand.

"Not so.... powerful without.... _that,_ are you....?" Dipper managed to say hoarsely as he panted.

Gideon gritted his teeth.

Gideon started screaming as he ran for Dipper, crashing the both of them through the window. The both of them started to fall rapidly as they began wrestling each other in midair.

"Yer _nuthin,_ you weak _slime!"_ Gideon hissed. "And yer gonna die _here_ and _now!"_

Dipper hissed back through his teeth, unable to speak, but punched Gideon in the face regardless, taking out his frustrations and even some of the pain he was feeling.

The fighting boys began to plummet to the ground. As their bodies were being pulled down to the earth, Mabel used Gideon's tie’s gem to stop them from falling, merely inches from the ground. As the boys magically dangled, Mabel used the bolo tie to slowly descend to their level until she finally dropped all three of them onto the ground gently.

Dipper, after being lightly set on his feet, dropped to a sitting position. He gave a glare to Gideon, before looking at Mabel with a soft, grateful expression.

Mabel reciprocated Dipper's facial expression with one of her own. Her smile, however, quickly faded away as she stared down Gideon. Her pupils became daggers as she glared at the white-haired boy.

"Gideon… You almost _killed_ Dipper..." she hissed in a tone even Dipper had never heard before. As she spoke, her breathing became intense as she began to seathe.

Gideon glared at Dipper harshly. " _He took you away from me!_ "

"So what?!  You were gonna go and _kill_ him?!"

"Don't you know that his--" Gideon began, but Dipper quickly covered his mouth.

_"Don’t you dare!"_ Dipper yelled, then coughed. He hadn't quite recovered from the strangling he'd received. "Mabel... bubble the gem!"

"What, you mean the tie thing?"

"Yes! It's a gem!" Dipper told her. "Bubble it!"

"Don't _you_ tell _her_ what to do, _Diopside!"_ Gideon hissed. Dipper punched him again, then rubbed his own hand.

Mabel stood in silence as she focused on the bolo tie. "Gideon… was this the thing that was hurting Dipper?"

"It's mine! Give it _back!"_ Gideon screamed.

Mabel gritted her teeth.  "How dare you?...How _dare_ you?!"  Mabel stomped her feet toward Gideon. "What gives you the right to use somebody as... some _toy_?!"

Mabel moved Dipper aside and grabbed Gideon by his shirt color.  She pointed to the gem in her hand. "This is a _person!_ This person _lived_ and _breathed,_ and you're treating them like some stupid _tool!_ Where did you even _get_ this thing, huh?!" She pulls Gideon closer, "Who was this!? Did _you_ do this?!"

She pushes Gideon onto the floor and lifts his shirt over his head, revealing his turquoise colored gem. "I ought to smash this thing Gideon! Let's see how weak _you_ are when _you're_ nothing but a hunk of mineral!"  She picked up a rock from the ground and lifted it in the air, ready to crush Gideon's gem, which she’d seen glowing under his shirt whenever he used the levitation using the bolo tie.

"Mabel, _wait!"_ Dipper cried, then coughed again. "Th-they could still be alive! It's not worth trying to _kill_ Gideon!"

"How do we know this little punk didn't do this?! Soos said if something happens to a gem they turn into the gemstone!" She turned her attention back to Gideon. "What did you _do?!"_ Mabel's eyes began to tear up as her hand holding the rock hovering over Gideon's gem began to shake with emotion.

"I-It was one o'them _monsters!"_ Gideon admitted. Dipper clenched his teeth.

"Monster or _not,_ you don't _use_ people..." he says to the smaller boy. "Mabel. Gideon isn't worth our time. The gem he took should be safe with u--I mean... safe with _you._ Put it with the gem we got from old man McGucket. If it really is a monster, maybe we-- uh, _you,_ you can heal it up someday."

"Heal it with _what?!_ I can't spit medicine!"

"I don't know... but there has to be a cure somehow, somewhere, for these monster gems, right?"

Mabel lowered the rock to the ground. "We can't just let him get away with this...I can’t let him off this easily!"

"Mabel! I'm angry too, but.... I..." Dipper sighed heavily, seeming guilty, thinking about his churning stomach and tired eyes. "I just don't have the energy. He's essentially powerless now. Can we go back to the shack, _please?"_

Mabel looked at the ground, tears still in her eyes. She forced herself to stand up and hold on to the 'stolen' gem. "Gideon... if I ever catch you doing anything like this _ever_ again..." Her grip tightened around the gem, but out of security rather than anger, "I won't let Dipper talk me out of _anything."_

Gideon gritted his teeth as Dipper sighed in relief. The older boy practically collapsed right then and there. Dipper groaned.

"Heh, _weakling,"_ Gideon hissed under his breath, before scampering away.

Mabel looked around frantically for a way to help her brother. "Uh... uh. Oh!"

Mabel slipped the gem in one of Dipper's pockets. "Okay, I hope this works," she told him. Mabel placed her hands on Dipper's chest as a soft purple hue brightened the area. The light slowly became a bubble encasing Dipper, who watched with intrigue and confusion.

"Okay, now the hard part," she sighed to herself. Mabel rubbed her hands together and pressed them against the bubble. Her bedazzled left hand quickly flashed as she made Dipper in his bubble vanish.

"Haha, yes! I am the greatest!" she cheered. Mabel celebrated her small victory by doing a short robot dance. "Alright, me next," she told herself. She rubbed her hands together again and pressed them against herself. Nothing happened except for a slight sound from her gem.

"Wait _what?"_

She tried again, but to no avail. "Are you kidding me? I can't bubble myself?"

She sighed at the annoyance and began to walk a trail that eventually led her back to the Mystery Shack.

**ooooo**

When Mabel returned, Dipper was stuck in a bubble on the attic ceiling, asleep, though obviously uncomfortable, curled up in the bottom of the bubble. Mabel looked up at her floating brother.

"Aww, he's like a hamster," she whispered to herself, smiling in adoration.

Dipper shifted in his sleep, clenching his teeth. He was obviously sweating.

"Oh, man," Mabel said, gritting her teeth as she tried to jump up to her brother, but she couldn’t reach him. After a few seconds of pondering, she left the room and came back with a ladder. She climbed the ladder and pulled her brother down to his bed to release him from the orb.

Dipper gasped, awakened as the bubble popped, and looked up at his sister. "Oh.... you're... we're back."

"Yep!” Mabel chirped.  “So, you feeling okay?"

Dipper gave an uncertain hum. He took off his vest and shoes, then placed his hat on his bedside table.

"Do you need anything? Because I'm totally here if you need anything."

"N-no, it's fine. I'll be fine. I'm just tired... and queasy."

"Queasy, huh?"  Mabel sighed to her brother as she crawled into her bed.  "I hope you get better, Dipper. I can't be the only one that can save the gems now, can I?" She winked at Dipper and points at him with both hands. "I'm gonna need a sidekick. Haha!"

He gives a nervous chuckle before he slipped under his bed's covers and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that Dipper is getting progressively worse. He will continue to do so for reasons partially revealed already.  
> Again, tell me what you think! If there's anything you think I can improve on, please tell me.  
> ~Arg


	5. The Inconveniencing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry to you all for taking so long with this chapter! I've been busy and sick lately, and the holidays were not forgiving for time. I'll have more chapters up as soon as I can!

It was an absolutely average day at the Mystery Shack. Mabel was spinning herself on the globe in the gift shop as Dipper read from the third journal.  
“Mabel?” Dipper asked her suddenly, still looking through the book. “Do you believe in ghosts?”  
“I believe you’re a big dork,” she laughed in reply, before Dipper boredly stopped the globe’s spinning with a touch of his pencil, making Mabel fall off the sphere and crash to the ground.  
Stan then entered the shop. “Soos, Wendy,” he called, as the two hurried over to hear his instruction. “I’m headin’ out. You two’ll wash the bathrooms, right?”  
“Yes, sir!” Soos said dutifully, saluting.  
“Absolutely not,” Wendy replied, also saluting, though halfheartedly.  
Stan chuckled. “You stay out of trouble,” he told them sternly, before walking out.  
“Hey, guys,” Wendy grinned, as she walked over to a curtain, which she pulled aside to reveal a ladder upward. “What’s this? A secret ladder to the roof?”  
“Uh, I don’t think Mr. Pines would like that,” Soos said unsteadily.  
“Hmm?”  
“Uhhh…”  
“Hmmmmm?”  
“You’re freakin’ me out, dude!” Soos yelped.  
“Can we actually go up there?” Dipper asked Wendy excitedly.  
“Sure we can,” Wendy replied. “Roof time! Roof time!”  
“Roof time! Roof time!” the twins chanted back, climbing the ladder after Wendy. Once they reached the trapdoor leading to the roof, they found a peaceful area with an umbrella, cooler, and lawn chair.  
“Check it out,” Wendy grinned, gesturing to the spot.  
Dipper smiled, despite his sick feeling coming back. “Did you put all this stuff up here?” he asked Wendy.  
“I may or may not sneak up here during work,” Wendy replied jokingly, “all the time. Every day.”  
She threw a pine cone at a target taped to the nearby totem pole. It struck the bullseye flawlessly. “Yes!”  
The twins excitedly took pine cones to throw. Mabel missed the target, and Dipper accidentally hit a tourist’s car as its alarm went off. Dipper cringed as the sound made his headache flare.  
“Jackpot!” Wendy grinned at him, and held up her hand for a high five. Dipper eyed her raised hand hesitantly for a moment. “Don’t leave me hangin’ dude,” she told him, making him grin and high-five her.  
Suddenly, a car pulled up, blasting loud rock and roll, as several voices began excitedly calling Wendy’s name.  
“Ohh, hey! It’s my friends!” Wendy said excitedly, looking at the van below. She then turned to the twins. “You guys aren’t going to tell Stan about this place, are you?”  
Dipper zipped his lips, and Wendy did the same. “Later, dorks!” she called. Wendy then grabbed the tree next to them and pulled it downward to allow her onto the ground safely from the rooftop, then got into the van with her friends just before it drove off with speed.  
“Later, Wendy!” Dipper called, chuckling to himself awkwardly. “I’m going to throw up,” he whimpered under his breath, still clenching his teeth into a now-fake smile, starting to shake.  
“Uh-oh!” Mabel grinned. “Somebody’s in love~!”  
“No, Mabel, I was serious. I really think I’m gonna hurl,” Dipper told her, leaning over some.  
“You sure it’s not just the… butterflies in your stomach?”  
“Mabel,” Dipper began, about to complain. “I--”  
He then leaned over the side of the roof and vomited.  
“See?” he huffed, once he was done, then sweaty and pale. “I wasn’t joking.”  
Mabel walked up to him with concern and patted his back. “You okay?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Sure it wasn’t about Wendy that time?”  
“Yeah, right!” Dipper grumbled. “I just think Wendy’s cool, okay? I mean… it’s not like I lay awake at night thinking about her!”

That night, Dipper found himself unable to sleep, plagued by images of flowing red hair.  
“Uh oh,” he whispered to himself, clenching his teeth.

“Random dance party for no reason!” Mabel yelled suddenly, as Wendy turned on a stereo nearby. Both girls began dancing at a quick pace.  
Dipper was writing something down.  
“Hey,” wendy called to him, startling him enough that he nearly dropped the clipboard. “Aren’t you gonna get in on this?”  
“I… don’t really… dance,” Dipper replied sheepishly. Besides, he wasn’t feeling well, but he didn’t want to admit that.  
“Yeah you do!” Mabel corrected, grinning at him, making him grimace nervously. “Mom used to dress him up in a lamb costume and make him do… the Lamby Dance.”  
Dipper clenched his teeth. “Now is not the time to talk about the Lamby Dance,” he grumbled at her through his teeth before wincing and holding his head.  
“Lamb costume? Are there, like, little ears and a tail? Or…”  
Dipper gulped.  
“Dipper would prance around and sing about grazing,” Mabel continued. She was interrupted by Wendy’s watch alarm going off.  
“Whoop, look at that! Quittin’ time!” Wendy chirped. She turned to leave.  
“Uh, wait!” Dipper called out, making her turn again to face him. “Why don’t I-- uh, we, come with you?”  
“I don’t know,” Wendy replied hesitantly. “My friends are pretty intense… How old did you guys say you were?”  
“Thirteen!” Dipper said quickly. “Technically a teen!”  
Wendy thought for a moment. “Alright,” she smiled. “I like your moxy, kid! Lemme get my stuff.”  
Wendy walked out of the room, Dipper grinning excitedly.  
“Since when are we thirteen?” Mabel asked quietly. “Is this a leap year? Besides, what about your headaches and barfing yesterday? Is it really a good idea to be going places with you possibly being sick?”  
“Come on, Mabel!” Dipper complained. “This is our chance to hang out with, y’know.. the cool kids… and Wendy and whatever.”  
Mabel gasped excitedly. “I knew it!” she shouted. “You love her!” She got up, dancing around Dipper, poking him all around. “Love love love love love!”  
“Oh, hey!” Dipper gasped, pointing behind her. “What’s that?”  
Mabel quickly turned around to look as Dipper tossed all of her hair over her head to fall over her face. She spat a few times, trying to get her hair out of her mouth.

“In the belly! In the belly!” the teens chanted, as a black-clad teenage boy threw jellybeans at a rather large blonde teen, who was being held up upside down by two taller boys. In the background, a girl with purple hair continued to text boredly.  
“Come on, hurry up!” the blonde complained.  
The black clad teen prepared to throw another jellybean, but stops himself as he sees a red jellybean fly from behind him, straight into the blonde’s bellybutton. The black clad boy turns to see Wendy smirking, the twins grinning excitedly behind her.  
“Wendy!” the taller boys yelled happily. One of them chanted her name a couple of times, showing his further excitement at her arrival.  
“Hey, guys!” she greeted, then gestured to the duo behind her. “These are my pals from work, Mabel and Dipper.”  
“I chewed my gum so it looks like a brain!” Mabel announced, then proceeded to show off the inside of her mouth.  
Dipper said nothing, and only looked away out of embarrassment from his sister. He didn’t want to speak. He had already noted that his breath was shaky. Mabel immediately noticed his, to her, obvious nervousness.  
“Hey, Dipper! You bein’ shy now?”  
He shook his head, a determined expression suddenly making an appearance on his face. “No!” he said adamantly. “I’m not shy! I’m just--”  
“Whoa, little dude,” the tallest teen laughed.  
“So are you, like, babysitting?” the one in black asked Wendy with annoyance. “Or…?”  
“Come on, Robbie!” Wendy said with annoyance, then addressed the twins again. “Guys, this is Lee...”  
She gestured to the tallest teen.  
“...and Nate.”  
The second tallest teen, wearing a hat and sweatshirt, began punching Lee playfully, who continued to punch back as the two of them laughed.  
“Tambry.”  
The purple haired teen didn’t even look up from her phone as she raised her hand and gave a halfhearted sound of greeting.  
“Thompson, who once ate a runover waffle for fifty cents…”  
“Don’t tell them that!” the large blonde teen complained.  
“...and Robbie,” Wendy finished, gesturing to the black clad teen, who tossed his bangs out of his face. “You can probably figure him out.”  
“Yeah, I’m the one who spraypainted the water tower,” he said, obviously in an attempt to sound cool.  
“Oh, you mean the big muffin!” Dipper smiled, thinking that talking to these teens wouldn’t be so hard.  
“Um, it’s a giant explosion,” Robbie corrected harshly.  
“Kinda does look like a muffin,” Lee laughed, as others in the group joined him, leaving Robbie embarrassed. Robbie glared at Dipper, who immediately backed off from the subject, feeling a wave of nausea hit him.  
“Let’s hurry it up, guys,” Wendy smiled. “I got big plans for tonight!”

Dipper ended up climbing into the back seat alongside Mabel after having been intercepted from getting shotgun by Robbie.  
“Okay, just…” Thompson said nervously. “Before we go, my mom said you guys aren’t allowed to punch the roof anymore, so…”  
The teens all immediately ignored this instruction as they unanimously began punching the roof while chanting Thompson’s name.  
Dipper chewed on the end of a pen, as per his habit, thinking nervously about his aching stomach and the trip ahead. He was slightly startled as Mabel took the pen from his mouth to scribble out some writing on the armrest that read ‘you stink,’ only to write ‘you look nice today’ in effeminate writing, complete with a heart dotting her I. She then turned to Dipper, who was starting to hug his legs, pulling himself into a ball.  
“This is gonna blow someone’s mind,” she grinned to him. Her expression then changed to show concern as she noticed his discomfort. “You okay?”  
As Dipper didn’t answer, his head resting on his knees, Mabel decided to speak up.  
“How much longer ‘til we get there? The road’s too bumpy!”  
“A while yet. Why?” Robbie asked. “You carsick or somethin’?”  
“Maybe,” she answered. “And if you don’t want barfy sprinkles all over the back of the car, you better find a way to make the ride less bouncy.”  
“I’m doing the best I can!” Thompson complained. “Please don’t barf in here!”  
Mabel then looked back at Dipper, who glanced at her somewhat thankfully.

“There it is, fellas!” Wendy announced, as they gathered in front of the gate to their destination. “The condemned Dusk to Dawn!”  
“Ha, cool!” Nate grinned.  
“Neato!” Mabel smiled. Dipper said nothing.  
“They say some folks died in there… the place has been haunted ever since!” Nate told the twins.  
“This town has such a colorful history!” Mabel laughed optimistically.  
“Are you guys serious?” Dipper quietly asked, wrapping his arms around his abdomen.  
“Yeah, we’re all gonna die!” Wendy whimpered sarcastically, then laughed. “Chill out, man. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“Come on, Dipper!” Wendy shouted up at him, as he was straddling the fence. Most of the others had already gone over it.  
“Okay, okay!” Dipper whined. “Just…gotta get a foothold…”  
“Dude, your sister did it!” Robbie pointed out, as Mabel began spinning around on the floor, making nonsensical sound effects.  
“Hey, you know what?” Lee smiled, climbing up the fence behind Dipper. “Just…”  
Lee then proceeded to pick Dipper up and drop him onto the other side of the fence.  
“There you go…. Heh. S-sorry, dude!”  
“Good job throwing the kid off the fence, genius,” Nate laughed.  
“Your mom’s a genius,” Lee retorted jokingly.  
Wendy grinned as she looked through the window of the store. “This place is amazing,” she remarked.  
Robbie pulled on the doors. “I think it’s stuck.”  
“Let me take a crack at it!” Dipper told them confidently. Everyone turned to look directly at him, making him nervous.  
“Oh, yeah,” Robbie remarked sarcastically. “I can’t get in, but I’m sure junior here is going to break it down like Hercules.”  
“Leave him alone,” Wendy snapped. “He’s just a little kid!”  
Dipper looked down sadly before getting a burst of energy out of his frustration. Quickly, he began climbing up the garbage can onto the gutters of the roof. From there, he climbed up to the top of the building and started punching the grating leading to the vents as hard as he could, doing his best to ignore the sick feeling getting worse, Mabel cheering him on.  
“Hey Dipper, take it easy!” Wendy shouted from below, as Dipper successfully pulled away the vent cover and climbed in.  
“Who wants to bet he doesn’t make it?” Robbie snickered, just as he heard the door open behind him. He turned in shock to see Dipper standing there triumphantly, having successfully opened the condemned convenience store.  
“Good call inviting this little maniac,” Lee laughed as he walked in.  
“Your new name is Dr. Funtimes!” Nate declared, following after his taller friend. Mabel high fived her brother as she followed suit.  
“Nice work,” Wendy smiled, as Dipper excitedly smiled back, and the two went in with the rest of the group.  
“Do you guys really think it’s haunted?” asked Thompson fearfully.  
“Nah!” Nate laughed. “Thompson, you kiddin’ me?”  
Dipper felt another wave of nausea hit him. He clenched his teeth and swallowed.  
“It’s even creepier than I imagined,” Wendy remarked. Dipper turned to look at her nervously.  
Mabel wiped off a bit of a grey, powdery substance from a desk with a single finger, then brought it to her lips and licked it. “Yup,” she said assuredly. “It’s dust.”  
Dipper wiped off a newspaper, revealing its production date.  
“Where do you think they keep the dead bodies?” Lee asked suddenly.  
“Shut up, man,” Nate told him, punching his friend’s arm once again.  
“Guys, check it out!” Wendy called, pointing to a set of switches. “Think they still work?”  
The lights all switch on as Wendy flips the switches, and every machine in the store quickly jumps to life.  
“So… what now?” Dipper asked tentatively.  
“Anything we want,” Wendy answered, grinning slyly.  
A food fight began shortly after, which everyone quickly jumped into. After that, they created a fountain with soda and mints. Loud cheering sounded throughout the activities.

“Oh my gosh!” Mabel yelled excitedly, as she saw a shelf full of candies. “Smile Dip! I thought this stuff was banned in America!”  
“Maybe they had a good reason,” Dipper remarked, before a piece of food was hurled at the back of his head, reminding him of the food fight at hand.  
Mabel took a package, and eyed it with great excitement dancing in her eyes. She ripped open the package, took out the sugar stick and dipped it in the powder, then paused, before she dumped the entirety of the powder into her mouth all at once.

“Dipper, this night is, like, legendary,” Wendy told her younger friend, as she and Dipper munched on ice pops atop one of the convenience store shelves.  
“Really?”  
“Just look around!” she said, gesturing to the others down below. “The guys are bonding, I’ve never even seen Tambry look up from her phone this long, and your sister seems to be going nuts for that Smile Dip.”  
Down next to the candies, Mabel lay on the floor, her belly full of sugar. “Ugh,” she moaned. “Maybe I’ve had too much… What do you think?”  
In Mabel’s eyes, a giant pair of dogs spoke to her in a world made of candy.  
“Of course, you little angel,” Dipper heard Mabel say, before she began to munch on something seemingly invisible, her eyes wide and distant. Concern sparked in his mind for a mere moment, before he was addressed by Wendy once again.  
“You know, Dipper,” she said, smiling up at the ceiling. “I wasn’t sure you could hang with our crew at first, but you’re surprisingly mature for your age.”  
“Yes,” Dipper agreed. “Yes I am.” He then proceeded to miss his mouth with the ice pop multiple times, smearing the sweet all over his cheek.  
“Guys, we need more ice!” Lee shouted, stuffing more and more ice into Thompson’s pants.  
Dipper gave a nod and hurried over to the freezer.  
He hurried over to the freezer and happily took a bag of ice from its chilled interior. Just as he was about to shut the freezer door, a horror appeared before him.  
A detached brain floated there, attached to nothing but a pair of eyes and a mouth. It drooled as it looked up at him wildly, its eyeballs hanging only from lines of pinkish fleshy tendrils. The eyeballs moved, creeping toward Dipper slowly.  
Dipper yelped and dropped the ice, his face flushing hot and his stomach churning once again.  
The freezer closed, and Dipper gulped, letting his hand move slowly toward the freezer door once again. He pulled it open in a flash, and looked up, gaping, to see…  
Nothing.  
Had it just been his imagination?

“What was that?” Lee asked, as the rest of the group approached, except for Mabel.  
“You freakin’ out, kid?” Nate asked, laughing.  
“Uh, no,” Dipper lied, panicking internally. “I’m cool. E-everything’s cool…”  
“Then what’s all this about?” Robbie asked, an eyebrow raised, pointing to the ice Dipper had spilled onto the floor.  
“That’s... ah, um…” Dipper stammered, quickly trying to find an excuse. “Uh… Hey! Look! Dancy Pants Revolution!”  
He pointed to an arcade machine in the corner of the store.  
“It’s the game that tricks people into exercising!”  
Quickly, the group was distracted by the game. Dipper took that chance to rush over to Mabel, who was lying on the floor at the other end of the store, coated in sugar.  
“Mabel, I need your advice. We’re hanging out in a haunted convenience store, and if I say anything about it to any of these guys, they won’t believe me! They’ll just think I’m a scared little kid or something….”  
Once Dipper was done explaining his dilemma, he looked down at his twin, whose gem, he noted, was also coated in sugar. She gurgled, her eyes wide and seeing nothing of reality.  
“...Mabel? Mabel! How many of those did you eat?!”  
“Eleven…. teeeeen,” she droned, as Dipper held his head, panicking.  
“Oh man, oh man….”  
“Whoa, guys!” Robbie called from the corner of the store. “You might wanna see this.”  
Dipper glanced over at him, still panicked. He approached cautiously to see the object of intrigue in the gathering group of teens. As he crept closer, he saw the tape on the ground, marking the shapes of two people.  
“Then the rumors are true!” Lee grinned.  
Robbie nudged Lee with his elbow. “Dude, I dare you to lie down in it.”  
“Good idea!” Nate chimed in. “Go lie down in it.”  
Lee laughed. “I’m a dead body, look!”  
As Lee approached the markings, Dipper’s heartbeat sped up.  
“Wait!”  
Everyone turned to look at Dipper.  
“M-maybe let’s…. not do that?”  
Nate laughed. “This guy’s scared!”  
“A-all I’m saying is… why tempt the fates?” Dipper tried. “I-I mean… what if this place really is… um… haunted?”  
All the teens immediately started booing him.  
“Take it down a notch, Captain Buzzkill!” Robbie hissed.  
“B-but I thought I was… Doctor Funtimes?” Dipper replied, hurt.  
“Well, you’re acting like Captain Buzzkill. Right?”  
Lee and Nate nodded, as Wendy agreed verbally.  
“Status update,” Tambry droned, typing on her phone. “Trapped in store with insane nine year old.”  
Frustration flared in Dipper’s mind.  
“I’m not a nine year old!” Dipper hissed, making a snap decision to prove it by going along with their idea of thrills, flopping into the outline wherein the dead bodies once laid. “I’m thirteen! Technically a teen!”  
Dipper’s eyes widened as he glanced at the outline next to his face. The teens gasped. It began to glow, tracing itself over as he began to panic once again.  
The lights go out.  
Tambry suddenly disappeared.  
Dipper got up, and picked up her phone.  
“Status update,” he read aloud from its screen. “Aaaaaaaugh.”  
Suddenly, Tambry’s screams sounded from the television on the wall. On its screen was the phone-obsessed girl, banging against the other side of the screen in a panic.  
“Tambry!” Wendy shouted.  
“Can you hear us?” Dipper called to the girl in the television, but the only response the group received was more screaming.  
“What are we supposed to do?!” Lee shouted to the others.  
“I dunno, man! I dunno!” Nate shouted back.  
“Let’s just go already!” Robbie yelled.  
“Wait!” Thompson called. “I’ve almost got the high score!”  
Soon enough, Thompson was gone too.  
“Forget them!” Robbie shouted, turning toward the door. “Let’s go!”  
As Robbie pulled, the doors proved to be stuck. As Robbie threw the cash register in an attempt to break the glass, it was absorbed by green light and then was thrown back at him.  
“Wait!” Dipper called to the others, pulling out the third journal and flipping through its pages quickly. “Whatever’s doing this has to have some kind of reason! Maybe if we can figure out what it is, they’ll let us out of here!”  
“Yeah,” Robbie yelped sarcastically. “that makes a lot of sense!”  
“I don’t know guys!” Wendy said, fear in her tone. “Maybe he’s got a point!”  
“Yeah, right!” Lee said, just as sarcastic as Robbie had been. “I’m sure the ghost just wants to talk about his feelings!”  
Lee disolved into thin air. His screaming could be heard, but no one knew where he was.  
“Lee!” Nate screamed, but to no avail. Quickly, he turned to Dipper. “Okay, okay! I’m with you, kid! One hundred percent, man!”  
Dipper then felt something well up inside him. He turned instinctively to look at his sister, whose eyes had begun to glow. Drool and sugar on her open mouth, she began to float into the air, her head hanging low as if unconscious, until she slowly looked up, putting on a menacing grin. A deep, masculine voice rattled in her throat.  
“Welcome,” the spectre said with braced teeth, a sly smile etched on Mabel’s face.  
Everyone screamed.  
“They got Mabel,” Dipper whispered under his breath, doing his best not to get too emotional.  
“Welcome to your graves, young tresspassers,” the ghost continued, using Mabel as a vessel. He giggled at their plight.  
“We’re super sorry for hanging out in your store,” Wendy apologized, hoping it would get them out of the situation.  
“Yeah!” Dipper agreed. “Can we just… go now and leave forever?”  
The ghost thought for a moment.  
“Well, okay,” he said. “You’re free to go.”  
The doors to the store open behind the duo.  
“But before you leave,” the ghost continued. “Hot dogs are now half off. I know it might be crazy, but you gotta try these dogs!”  
Nate and Robbie run screaming for the doors, which close before they can get through.  
“Just kidding about the hot dog sale,” the ghost hissed.  
“Just let us out of here already!” Nate pled, but dissolved into thin air, much like many of the others.  
“I don’t like your tone…” the ghost said slyly, glancing then at the remaining trespassers.  
“I’m a hot dog!” Dipper heard Nate say, but just loud enough for him to hear. Dipper glanced at the hot dog oven, and sure enough, there was a sausage that looked quite a bit like Nate. The younger boy gulped, trying his best not to let his nausea get to him.  
“It begins,” the ghost’s voice echoes, as the vibrations in the room suddenly increase. Gravity reverses, and quickly, things fall onto the ceiling, Wendy and Dipper quickly taking cover.  
“Welcome to your home for all eternity!” the ghost laughs, his menacing sound making Dipper shudder.  
“Dipper, what do we do?” Wendy asked him in a hushed tone.  
“Duck!” Dipper shouted, as both of them quickly avoided a shelf flying by.  
Wendy pointed to a tipped over ice machine. “Look! In there!”  
Quickly, the both of them hurried into the machine, trying to catch their breaths.  
“What do they want from us?!” Wendy asked Dipper frantically.  
“Revenge, I guess?” Dipper replied, unsure.  
“What did we do wrong?”  
“Okay,” Dipper told her, thinking deeply. “Let’s try to figure out the pattern here. Why was each person taken? ...Tambry was texting, Thompson was playing a videogame, Lee was being sarcastic…. It doesn’t make any sense!”  
“Yeah!” Wendy retorted. “I mean, those are all just normal teenage things!”  
Dipper’s eyes widened. “Wendy,” he said quietly. “Say that last part again.”  
Wendy hesitated, staring straight at Dipper. “Normal… teenage things?”  
“Of course,” Dipper whispered to himself. “Stay here until I get back,” he told Wendy harshly.  
“Dude!” she yelped as Dipper got out of the ice box. “What are you doing?!”  
“Hey, ghost!” Dipper shouted to his sister, whose head twisted around to be backwards as the ghost stared straight at him with cold, glowing eyes. The rest of her body soon twisted about to match the direction of her head.  
“I’ve got something to tell you!” Dipper yelled to the ghost, gritting his teeth in regret, one last glance behind his shoulder at Wendy, regretting his previous lie. “...I’m not… a teenager!”  
“Hoho!” called out a voice, as Mabel’s eyes stopped glowing. “Well, why didn’t you say so?”  
A blue man and woman appeared, obviously being the ghosts of the store. They seemed rather old; they had to have died as senior citizens. They were holding Mabel up in the air by her hair, but dropped her into a pile of candy as she began to come to.  
“How old did you say you were?” the ghost of the old man asked Dipper kindly.  
“I’m…” Dipper said reluctantly, then sighed. “I’m twelve. Technically… not a teen.”  
“When we were alive,” the ghost of the old woman began, “teenagers were a scorn on our store!”  
“Always sassafrassin’ with their boomy-boxes and disrespectful short pants!” the old man agreed. “So we decided to up and ban them, but they retaliated with their new-fangled rap music!”  
“The lyrics,” the old woman whimpered. “They were so hateful! It was so shocking, we were stricken down with double heart attacks!” Her tone then changed back to incredibly cheerful. “So that’s why we hate teenagers so much! Don’t we, honey?”  
Both ghosts then nuzzled each other affectionately.  
“But…” Dipper began. “But they’re my friends… isn’t there anything I can do to help them?”  
“Well,” the old man’s ghost thought. “There… is one thing. Do you know any funny little dances?”  
“Uh…” Dipper said, clenching his teeth. “Is there anything else I can do?”  
“No!” the old man screeched, his ethereal form erupting into fierce flames, filling Dipper with udder dread and fright.  
“Okay, okay, okay! Um, well….. I do know… the Lamby Lamby Dance,” Dipper admitted with embarrassment. “B-but I can’t do it without a lamb costume!”  
He proudly offered this excuse, to which the old man snapped his fingers. In that split second in which the snap sounded, Dipper was very suddenly clothed in a lamb costume.  
“Oh,” the preteen said with surprise. “Well. There it is.”  
With a gulp and a deep breath, Dipper began his song and dance, doing his best to push through the illness he had been feeling.  
“Well….  
“Who wants a lamby, lamby, lamby?  
“I do! I do!  
“So go and greet your mammy, mammy, mammy;  
“‘Hi there! Hi there!’  
“So march, march, march around the daisies…  
“And don’t, don’t, don’t you forget about the babies!”  
With a final smile and wink to the dance, Dipper let himself pant, feeling the sweat drip down his face.  
“That was some fine girly dancing, boy!” the old man’s ghost congratulated. “Your friends are free to go.”  
The lamb costume disappeared, leaving behind Dipper’s usual clothes.  
“Well, I don’t think you have to worry about us coming back,” he told the ghost happily.  
Both ghosts disappeared as everything began to fall back to the ground, the reversed gravity having been neutralized. Out of the fallen cupboards came the rest of the teens, groaning and holding their heads.  
“Ugh,” Mabel groaned, feeling horrendously nauseated from the candy and possession. “I’m never gonna eat or do anything ever again…”  
“Hey!” Dipper smiled, as he picked up the remaining package of Smile Dip. “There’s still some left!”  
“Evil!” Mabel shouted, as she swatted it out of Dipper’s hand.  
“What happened after everything went crazy?” Nate asked Wendy, making Dipper flinch and turn to hear their conversation, watching Wendy nervously.  
“You are never going to believe this!” Wendy grinned, looking at all of the others, speaking excitedly. “The ghosts appeared, and Dipper had to--”  
She then glanced at Dipper, who seemed pale, sweaty, uncomfortable, and embarrassed. Most importantly, he looked let down.  
“Uh,” she hesitated. She then quickly perked up again. “I mean… Dipper just.. grabbed a bat, and just started beating ghosts down left and right, and the ghosts got all scared and just… ran away like a couple of little girls! It was insane!”  
“Dr. Funtimez!” Nate grinned at Dipper, who gave a weak smile.  
Wendy turned back to Dipper and crouched down to be at his height, and zipped her lips, tossing the invisible key. Dipper did the same, smiling with relief and gratitude.  
“You okay, dude?” she asked him in a whisper. “You aren’t lookin’ so hot. Did all the excitement get to you?”  
“No, I just….” Dipper began, then took a deep breath. “I haven’t been feeling well for a while.”  
“Hey,” Wendy told him, as the others left to get into the car, tired. “You need to tell me when you’re not feelin’ up to it, alright Dip?”  
He gave a silent nod, making Wendy smile.  
“Alright, now let’s get out of here.”  
When they got to the van, everyone else was already in their respective seat, asleep. Neither Wendy nor Dipper was surprised to see this.  
“Well,” Wendy admitted. “I’m probably scarred for life. I think I’ll go stare at a wall for a while and rethink everything. Next time we hang out, let’s stay at the Mystery Shack, okay?”  
“Next time?” Dipper asked excitedly. “Yeah! Let’s hang out at the Shack!”  
The pair got into the car, Dipper sitting next to Mabel. “...Next time,” he whispered to himself with a smile as he shut the door.  
“Ugh,” Mabel groaned as she awoke, glancing at her earlier writing of ‘you look nice today.’ “What sick joke is this…?”  
The car drove off, returning everyone home, away from the haunted store.


End file.
